Hello, I am not really good at essay writing, especially when it comes to structuring it, so I would really appreciate it if you comment on my self-introduction for Korean government scholarship program ^^ Thank you!
a bridge between Russia and Korea
My name is Natalia, and I was born in Russia in 1995 to a very poor family in a small town, far away from Moscow. This period was a tough period in Russia, life was hard, going to school was hard as well, however my mother sent me to the best school in my town and tried to do everything to help me become an intelligent person. I studied hard, harder than most peers. Throughout my school years I took part in a huge number of contests for students - and won most of them. From the very beginning I also showed interest - and talent - in studying languages. I could fluently speak English by the age of 14, and started to learn French in school, which I learnt within 2 years and won a French-speaking competition in my region (ÁÖ). At the same time, I studied Japanese and reached the level, when I could speak even with the native speakers.
Passion and talent for languages determined my future, and I entered one of the best Russian universities - Moscow State Institute of International Relations, without even taking admission tests, and received scholarship upon admission. My major in the university was international relations and Korean language. Because I was admitted to the university as a scholarship recipient, I did not have the right to decide the language I want to study (this is our university system), because only the dean of my faculty can decide this. But now, almost 4 years after the admission, I feel so much thankful and happy that my life is so closely connected to Korean language and Korea in general!
I was a very active student and took part in many conferences and was an active member of the "Model United Nations" movement in Russia and abroad. Also, my grades in the university were very high every semester, which made it possible for me to apply for an exchange program in Korea, where I studied for 1 semester in 2015 in the Kyung Hee University, Department of Korean language. It was my first time in Korea and I completely fall in love with it - its culture, people's way of thinking, nature, architecture, way of life... I realized that I feel much more comfortable being there and communicating with Korean people, than even living in Moscow. I guess, my character and thoughts, even fashion style is closer to that of Korea. Then, I started to work as a free-lance translator from Korean to Russian, which I have been doing for 1 year now, and worked really hard to earn money to go to Korea 2 times more after my exchange program finished.
Now, that my 4-year bachelor program in the MGIMO university is almost finished, I am more than ever determined to study in the Korean university. I believe, that KGSP is practically my only chance to deepen my knowledge of Korean culture and Korean language, as well as to study together with Korean students (in Kyung Hee university I mostly had classes in Korean for foreigners). If I receive my Master's degree in a Korean university, I will definitely be able to become a bridge between my own country and Korea.@nayumi
I don't really know much about the KGSP but with the questions you gave above, I would say u started well but started deviating at some point thereby leaving some questions unanswered.
I didn't see any part in your statement of self introduction that talks about your motivations for applying and also reason for studying in Korea neither can I see a course of study you would want to study if you are awarded the scholarship.
I can see more of education, experience and study background.
Your English structures has to be put orderly to enhance a flow when reading thereby creating a connection link between each new paragraphs.
This is my opinion. Hope it helps
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Natalia, your first paragraph does not apply to the essay requirement covering your course of life, point of view about life, and your ambitions for your future. You do not have to discuss your study life in the first paragraph. You mistakenly said study background when it is your point of view about life that is needed. Focus on the influence of your mother on your development as a person. Depict how your life situation affected your point of view about life and explain it. How did this ideology create the dreams and ambitions that you now have for your future?
Your academic academic background is solid. Use that paragraph as is for the academic background section. One area of concern though, is that you do not have any internships to speak of where you could imply a certain level of skill in international languages, specifically Korean. If you have even the slightest experience doing translation work during your free time, you have to mention it in the essay in order to strengthen your application when it comes to the professional background. Everything else about your motivation and reasons to study in Korea do not require additional information or adjustments as you have a very unique and interesting academic background that directly relates to your interest in Korea.
