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A passionate young man that always want to help people. Self-introduction KGSP - biotechnology

nababa19 2 / 10 1  
Feb 22, 2017   #1

I have the zeal, commitment and dedication

I was born on 1st October 1990 into considering middle classs family, unfortunately my father passed away when I was just four (4) years old. My mother began to struggle for survival and to send us to school as she always wanted us to be part of a great place of learning. Therefore I began my primary school at early age in LEA Makera Model Primary school after which I successfully passed the common entrance and proceeded to secondary school in the year 2003. As someone who is fascinated by science I began to read science related researched articles, journals and books where I became more interested in biology. While in school I began petty jobs to earn extra money for my school fees and also to help my mother. Successfully I graduated averagely and scored the highest mark in biology. Since then I became more interested in studying biology as a diverse field to study life.

In the year 2009 having graduated from my secondary school I struggle to make more money to pursue my dreams in the university but my income wasn't enough which I planned to continue saving in order to push myself towards my goal. In 2010 I applied to Kaduna state university having passed all the necessary exams successfully; I was accepted to study Biology in Biological science department. Life in the university is too complicated as I want to excelled, I began to organize tutor classes, spending much time in the library reading and researching on my field of interest.

Life for me is to support and help those of need therefore as a passionate young man that always want to help people of less privileged and orphans I co-found an association of youth in my locality to contribute and uplift such vulnerable children in terms of welfare and education, also participated in various humanitarian services within my state and Nigeria at large, one of them was sustainable development goals (SDGS) during my mandatory one (1) service to my country; as a member I moved from one society to another to enlighten and educate children of poor background. Currently participating in voluntary teaching within my locality, I hope one day my effort in touching people's life will yield a positive outcome.

While in the university I was attached to Kaduna South plant and Water Works as water treatment officer to broaden my experience, also I was exposed to various biotechnological background such as molecular biology, genetics, bio-technique, breeding, biochemistry of amino acid and lab, physical chemistry, computer science and mathematics all these make me developed interest in biotechnology.

The urge to contribute to human development, nation building and science in general motivates me towards biotechnology as it affects almost every aspect of human life ranging from agriculture, health, industry and importantly environment.

Additionally it will be an amazing experience to live in a new environment with different culture especially Korea which is bestowed with distinct and unique multicultural background and heritage. Studying in Korea is my dream which I hope will come true. As a science thriving country which have a vision in biotechnology that led to the government adopting policies such as bio-vision 2016 which aimed to achieve a goal of making Korea a biotechnology leader in health life and prosperous bio-economy, Korea Research Institute of Bioscience & Biotechnology (KRIBB) which was established in 1984, Also Korea has a commitment to promote biotechnology since from 1990s when the government established basic plan for the promotion of biotechnology in 1994 (Biotech 2000:1994-2007). Korea was ranked 25th in 2007 in the world in terms of clinical trials which led to the establishment of Korea National Enterprises for Clinical Trials (KoNECT).

After thorough researched I found Chonnam University to be one of the leading universities in Korea with many facilities and biotech research centers, the university recognized biotechnology as a key and solution to many agricultural, health and environmental problems.

International students are at increasing rate, it will be an extraordinary opportunity for me to interact with students and scholars from diverse professional and cultural background in your prestigious institution, this interaction and exposure is vital for the integration of diverse ideas and understanding of several global issues. I believed being in your University will enhance my career and would give me the basic frame work to utilize my full potential.

Finally I consider myself to be of good conduct if given the opportunity as I have the zeal, commitment and dedication to make the most out of this scholarship program.

Once again I am highly grateful for considering my application and I look forward to better reply.
Aziz_Gibran 2 / 3 1  
Feb 23, 2017   #2
I think you should avoid sentence such difficulties of your family condition. It's better focus to write about your propose study.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,001 4238  
Feb 23, 2017   #3
Hussaini, in the first part of your essay, spell out the word "four", there is no need to put the digit version in parenthesis. This is a very touching family background that shows a clear relationship with your point of view about life, the way that you developed as a person, and why you have driven yourself to success. The part of your essay related to that part of the prompt requirement is good enough. It can be used. It is the rest of the essay that needs adjustment.

In the professional background part, you need to further expand upon your job at the water plant. The section is too short and requires you to better develop the discussion behind your work there. You will need to describe your work title and the description of your duties in relation to your line of study or points of interest in your profession. This overview does not tell the reviewer if you are truly qualified for the course that you are applying for admission to.

Since you are applying to the scholarship via the university track, you will need to come up with more personal motivation and reasons for your desire to study in Korea. Don't just hit the reviewer with information gained from research. The reviewer knows about his country's university qualifications so don't be condescending. Look for the personal reasons that can convince the reviewer that you are the best bet for a scholarship. The whole last part of your essay pertaining to your reasons for applying to the scholarship needs to be revised based upon my suggestions above. Totally revise the content of paragraphs 5, 6 and 7 because those are the main problem points of your essay.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,001 4238  
Feb 24, 2017   #4
Try to connect the university offerings with your own interests and goals for your education. Why this university in particular? Aside from the commonly known information in the extremely short paragraph, what makes you feel that you are a perfect fit for the university you have chosen? Look into the way that the course you have chosen to study ties in with your professional and future needs. That paragraph should be better developed than what you have offered at the moment. You can remove the last few sentences that vouch for your character. This letter should only focus on the introduction of your background, your academic accomplishments, and the reason why the university that you have chosen to attend all work together for your ideal future career. These will comprise your motivation and reason for studying in Korea in a far better manner than you have at the moment. That discussion is reliant upon the recommendation letters that you will be submitting along with the application essays and other documents.
OP nababa19 2 / 10 1  
Feb 24, 2017   #5
thank you sir.. will do that
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,001 4238  
Mar 9, 2017   #6
Hussaini, your course of life background is too confusing to follow. The confusion comes from the very short family background combined with an unnecessarily long academic background. This is what you have to do to fix that part, lengthen the discussion about your family background. Then present your academic background in a new paragraph, this time, focusing only on the college education that you received. If necessary, deliver only an overview of your high school education in relation to the development of your interest in science. Do not discuss grammar school. That is unnecessary information at this point. By properly presenting the necessary information, you will shorten the essay and also, focus on the required discussion elements.

Your university discussion sounds like you only got the information from the internet. There is no clear relationship between your intended masters course and why you chose to study at this school. All you have is general information that can be taken from the web. You need to show a familiarity with the university and the course you wish to study. What makes this university better than the others either in your country or in Korea, that offers the same degree? What about the university tells you that your interests will best be served there? Is it because of their academic program? Their internships? Certain research in the field being done at the university? What makes it an extra special opportunity for you to study there?

The essay has improved somewhat. However, new problems seem to be developing. You basically fix one part then create new problems elsewhere. I suggest that you try to revise the essay without changing anything in the other paragraphs. That will help to speed up the finalization of your content.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,001 4238  
Mar 9, 2017   #7
Why are you confused at this point? By the way, please be careful with the way you spell your words. I think you are not paying attention to the auto correct on your android device. The way you revised this essay is definitely bad. You did not follow any of the grammar rules when it comes to capitalization and punctuation in some instances. Specially at the beginning. BTW, I apologize the sudden required change in the opening statement. It became necessary to adjust that due to the new problems that cropped up in your essay. You don't need to tell the reviewer that you did not have money to attend higher education in the past. That is irrelevant already because you obviously managed to go through the rudimentary educational system. After all, you are now pursuing a masters degree. Therefore that information is not necessary anymore and should be removed in order to shorten the essay and also, create a more focused presentation of your information. You can keep the first paragraph in the original form of you wish. It isn't a big deal to me. My only concern is clarifying the important parts of the essay such as what I explained to you above. I am of the opinion that with the revision I am suggesting above, the essay can finally be considered to be in a usable form. Unless of course your confusion is a serious matter that needs to be addressed in the essay. Let me know what is confusing you so I can try to help you clarify or understand whatever it is in a better manner.
OP nababa19 2 / 10 1  
Mar 9, 2017   #8
this is where is confusing me about this choice of university ,the familiarity you talked about
You need to show a familiarity with the university and the course you wish to study. What makes this university better than the others either in your country or in Korea, that offers the same degree? What about the university tells you that your interests will best be served there? Is it because of their academic program? Their internships? Certain research in the field being done at the university? What makes it an extra special opportunity for you to study there?
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,001 4238  
Mar 9, 2017   #9
I see. The confusion you have is because you have not really done any in-depth research into the university background in relation to your masters degree. Think of choosing the university as if you were purchasing an appliance. What do you when you want to purchase say, a cellphone. Sure, they are all android devices. They have all the same features, the same memory content, the same standard camera, etc. but there is still something that sets these devices apart from one another. Aside from the brand, what other aspects of the technology do you consider when purchasing a mobile phone? Those are similar considerations that you have to consider when choosing a school. Where is it located? What specific subjects to they offer that interest you because of its relevance to your course? Is this a subject exclusive to this school? What kind of internship opportunities does the school offer that the others don't? What other programs do they have that cannot be compared to those of other Korea schools or your home universities? Think along those lines in order to develop an original response to the questions I have posed before you. Then you will have the correct "Why this university" response developed for your essay.
OP nababa19 2 / 10 1  
Mar 9, 2017   #10
i have checked their curriculum in biotechnology department and its something i really think is different from those i have seen earlier, the courses are very advance ...do u think i should mention all of these stuff..like advance genetic engineerin, advance molecular biology etc and also they 6 seminar in biotechnology..should i say all these
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,001 4238  
Mar 9, 2017   #11
Yes. It would be best for you to at least indicate some of the classes since you are applying via the university track. I know you have at least 3 choices in the application form, but the self introduction should focus only on your first choice university. Mention only the courses that you are most interested in. Also, make sure that you will be able to excel in these courses because of your own college background. The reason that you chose to attend this school should rely mostly in the fact that you hope to perform excellently in their academic setting. So imply that the university courses offered are the ones that you feel will help you shape you the most in your career. Then indicate that the other universities do not offer the same classes and some other reasons that you may have for choosing the university.
OP nababa19 2 / 10 1  
Mar 9, 2017   #12
thanks alot i cant thank you enough
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,001 4238  
Mar 10, 2017   #13
This is a very good revision to your essay. It has less of a mechanical feel to the writing and more of a considered realization when it comes to the decision you made to study in this university. It has justified your choice of university clearly on your previous collegiate academic background. Which implies that you are not only ready to face the challenges of a masters degree course at this university, but that you have the proper early academic foundation to succeed during this time. I do not doubt that the reviewer will take note of your essay and consider your application seriously. I am of the opinion that this essay is ready to be put to bed. This is the final form of your essay. Do not change anything, do not consider adding anything anymore. Just use this version. It will be best for you at this point.
OP nababa19 2 / 10 1  
Mar 10, 2017   #14
thank you alot....i really appreciate ..may God continue to strengthen you ...thanks alot
let me post my study plan then

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