Hi my name is Quang and I have been preparing my motivation letter for a Msc Scholarship in Finance.
I would really appreciate any help to make it better. Thank you guy.
Graduated in July 2013 at National Economics University (Vietnam) as a Bachelor of Auditing in Finance, I joined Deloitte Vietnam since then and have been pursuing my professional career life since then. Being a senior auditor and financial analyst in one of the Big Four companies has given me a lot of opportunities to enhance my academic knowledge, as well as expanding my networks and professional experience. I believe now it is the right time for me to take further in the career path by making my dream studying in Lund's university comes true.
I believe that my strong motivation towards finance can be illustrated by academic background, including an excellent degree in NEU, ranked in top 5% of the course and many scholarships and academic awards. For examples, when I was in third year, I won the First Prize of Pathway to success scholarship of Ernst&Young the prestige award for exceptional student pursuit careers in finance field. This was a great opportunity to apply my theoretical knowledge from college to solve contextual dilemma. In addition ,I also give time to extra-curricular activities such as participate in the Executive External Relation team of the Future Auditor club with the main responsibility was organizing extra-curricular activities for students or act as an voluntary event supporter at the Ministry of Finance . Those activities had inspired me to develop my potential in every aspects.
In December 2013, I overcome more than 5000 contestants to accomplish the First Prize of the Amcham Scholar- granted by the U.S Embassy and Socialist Republic of Vietnam Ministry of Finance channel. This award represented my leadership and presentation skills, which lately I put them in used by particapting in Amcham Alumni, an organization that provide forum and fortity the trading between the U.S and VietNam. With a thirst for seeing the world and making positive impacts, I am very interested in the action-based and global education environment at Lund University, where I can work on projects to solve real world challenges or have international exposure.
To be frank, working in a Big Four firm and have my title as one of the youngest recognized at the age of 24 in ACCA network are such tremendous achievement that I wouldn't have ever dream in the pass. But I was told by Mr. Ted Osius- U.S Ambassador lately "The great path to success is keep moving forward and share what you've attained to the people around and on a larger scale, the society. Only then you become truly stronger" Indeed, as a young person, I still had a lot of concern about the economic development in Vietnam, a country which suffer deeply throughout two wars and now facing huge challenges in the stage of growth. As a result, I decided to continue to seek for higher education specializing finance and bring my knowledge and study contribute to the innovation of Vietnam financial market.
Lund University's School of Economics is my first choice because of its outstanding research programs, especially the great support of the professors towards students' studying process. Moreover, your institution also offers the program that match perfectly with my demand: Finance Advance knowledge and depth understanding. Those encourage me to keep moving forward with my decision.
Given my past academic achievements and awards, I am confident that I will bring a high level of energy and enthusiasm to the Master's Intake and Scholarship of Lund University. Moreover, I believe that I can make good use of my knowledge gaining from this program to benefit my country.
I thank you for your consideration, and I am looking forward to your reply.
"Graduated in July 2013 at National Economics University (Vietnam) as a Bachelor of Auditing in Finance '. instead say "with a Bachelor of Auditing (Finance)'.degree.
" I joined Deloitte Vietnam since then and have been ..." say
"I joined Deloitte Vietnam and have been pursuing my professional career ever since".
... analyst in one of the Big Four r companies has given me (...), as well as expanding my networks ...
... time for me to take further in the career path by making my dream studying in Lund's university comes true ". top four............expand......a step further in my career path by making my dream of studying in the University of Lund come true.........
"For examples ".........For example
@qvuvu there are too many grammatical blunders. read through again and correct your mistakes.
Hi Quang,
May i ask if the scholarship requires you to write a motivation letter in general or did it ask you a question on past academic achievement and award?
Also, if it is possible to shed us a light on scholarship expectation on awardees (merit based, contribution toward home country, etc), our comment on your essay could be more accurate.
Thanks
Hi Adreanna, I apply for a merit based scholarship ( based on academic background I guess) in just ask for a general motivation letter. So what do you think I can wirte to make it better ? Thank you so much
Thank you so much, I'll fix the grammar now. But can give me some comment about the content of this letter pls :) anything I could improve it ?
Hi Quang,
I got it. Generally, a motivation letter would have a structure as follows:
- Introduction
- A brief review of yourself (in many aspects)
- Why do you want to study in this school/country?
- Why do you need/deserve this fund?
- What is your long term goal?
- Conclusion (a bit of thank you sentences to the selection panel)
Comparing to your essay, it seems that you only have a brief review of you career/education. The motivation to study in your selected university is still vague. I suggest that you should follow the above structure and draft another version.
I hope this helps.
Hi Quang, first of all, I would like to say, the first step you took in deciding to go for the Financial World is definitely one great step, I may not be good in numbers but one thing that I know is that, numbers can be two things, complicated and fun, complicated because of the many fundamental aspects of the field and fun because of the many mazes that you have to go through in solving and finding the answer to your equation and I believe this is what makes a lot of you guys drawn to this particular field.
Now, as I go through the essay, I must say, there are a lot of things, instances and moments that has definitely motivated you to pursue the financial industry and with the help of this scholarship, I'm sure you will be able to achieve this goals.
However, I have a few suggestions to enhance the concluding part of your essay.
- Given my pastArmed with my academic achievements and awards,
- I am confident that I will bring a high level of energyintelligence and enthusiasm to the Master's Intake and Scholarship of Lund University.
- Moreover, I believe that I can make good use
- of mythe knowledge gainingI will be able to gain from this program toand will eventually benefit my country.
There you have it Quang, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I wish you the best of luck in this endeavor.
