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Paucity Turned to Strength - Quest Bridge, Application Essay.

JesusLM2 4 / 18 3  
Oct 7, 2014   #1
Nothing but a desire to move forward can summarize my 17 years of life. From baseball to music to academics the substance that has led Jesus Luis-Mejia to be successful has been the presence of God in my life and the desire to progress. Despite obstacles, these two forces have led me to succeed in numerous fields. I was born in Miami, Florida in the south which is generally a place where people automatically deem you a high-school graduate if you're lucky and a simple fast-food restaurant employee generically. I never gave in. I have never allowed the predictions that others made of my destiny to limit my actions.

From my early childhood, my desire to succeed produced in me the understanding that I had to be the change that people couldn't envision. As a young boy, I would honestly force my father, who himself is a baseball enthusiast, to take me out on the field because I simply wanted to get somewhere. I was not going to let the negativity of others put me in a position where I wasn't going to advance. After working long hours on the field, I made a name for myself at an early age. I eventually made four travel team rosters at once and then realized that at my fingertips I held the capability of making negative presumptions diminish and understood that all that was necessary to do it was my own hard work. Since then, nothing has been able to make me terminate my efforts of moving my family forward. It has been this idea of advancement that has helped me to succeed in diverse fields since my childhood, that same virtue that has allowed me to stay positive throughout the midst of numerous family conflicts.

Around the age of seven, I was exposed to the emotional pains of a divorce. Attached to both of my parents, it was always hard for me to differentiate between what was right and what was wrong but God equipped me with a mature character with which I was able to understand what was going on at the time. Anyone who has experienced the divorce of their parents understands that it is not an easy period. You have to acknowledge why certain things simply can not be the way you want them to and you are forced to understand how life works. These are things that simply can't be argued. However, you can combat that pain and determine whether or not you are going to let these things keep you down. Through this experience I was able to acquire the hunger for a better future for myself and my loved ones. I was handed a desire to advance and that crave is what has led to my academic success. After living with both my mother and father, getting used to living with only one parent was not an easy task. It was a strenuous demand but I realized, at such a young age, that if I had stayed bitter and close minded, the consequences of my indifference would be even more severe than the pain. It was then that I learned to value things. It was after seeing my life change from a maternal and paternal home to a single-parent ambient that I learned to grind it out.

I now consider the divorce as something that had a positive impact on my life. I learned to take nothing for granted and this gift that I have been given has led me to athletic, musical and academic success. Furthermore, I understand that no matter how positive you are, a divorce isn't an easy circumstance but I didn't store pain inside. I took out any harsh feelings against the silky chords of my guitar. Music has always been therapeutic to me and I have both relieved stress and learned to master numerous instruments instead of focusing on the cons of life. The lessons that I learned at an early age still live with me today. I thank God for all of my academic accomplishments and I realize that if I hadn't been exposed to certain factors, I probably wouldn't be as hungry for success as I am now. I hope to enter a prestigious university in an attempt to help my parents and give my family the things that I couldn't always have coming from a single-parent home. The occasional scarcity that I experienced is what has produced in me that throbbing push at success. I have accomplished many of my goals because I've trusted God and stayed positive regardless of the circumstances. My 17 years of life consist of not letting anything get in the way of my success. I would love to take this perspective to any university and, God-willingly, continue to defeat the odds.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 8, 2014   #2
Jesus, please share the essay prompt with us so that we can properly review your essay for content and adherence to the topic. Right now, I am have a hard time connecting your introductory statement , the second paragraph, and the rest of the essay because the connections are not existing to help me piece them together. First you are talking about the discrimination in South Florida where everyone is assumed to be a high school , burger flipping graduate, then you suddenly shift to your love for baseball and the time you spend bonding with your father over the sport, and then suddenly you talk about the divorce of your parents and how it affected you. Without the prompt, there is no way for us to tell if the paper is good enough written this way or if you have to change the content in order to align it with the prompt expectations. Even an overview of the essay is impossible because of the disconnected paragraphs. Paucity to strength.

Paucity means something is lacking. You were lacking strength? In relation to what? The clarity that we are looking for will be found in the essay prompt once you upload it. Once we see the connection or disconnection, we can better advise you on the strengths and weaknesses of your essay :-)
OP JesusLM2 4 / 18 3  
Oct 8, 2014   #3
Sure! The prompt is as follows:

Essay 1: Biographical Essay (800 word limit)
We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow?

The first paragraph focuses on how I dealt with skepticism as does the second paragraph but with baseball. The baseball part also depicts a desire to advance despite critics and presumptions.

I separated my ideas this way because the prompt asked for factorS and challengeS that have shaped my aspirations. Thanks and God bless you!
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 8, 2014   #4
Jesus, while the prompt asks you for multiple factors, it is always best to mention only one or two of each. The reason behind that is the time that an admission officer can devote to reading an essay. If the essay is too long, they may overlook it because they have hundreds of essays to read per day. I strongly suggest that you use baseball instead because you can create a transition sentence at the end of that which will introduce the reader to the divorce section of your paper. Transition sentences are important because it helps prepare the reader to accept new information about you instead of being confused about how a certain topic came up in your essay. Believe me, when a person has to read numerous essays per day, it can get confusing. So you need to make sure that your essay will keep the reader on track and will be memorable to him.

It is important that you show the closeness or lack of it with your father through the baseball paragraph. It seems that you did not have a close relationship with him? If that is so, it directly plays into the essay as a factor and challenge that you had to overcome. Do you think you can do that? I honestly think that it will help to further improve the essay. If you can post the new version here after you have completed it, we can help you edit the essay down to the required word count in a sufficient manner :-)
OP JesusLM2 4 / 18 3  
Oct 8, 2014   #5
Actually I have a close relationship with my father so I wouldn't be able to use that point. Also, I didn't necessarily focus on specific obstacles but I did constantly hit the fact that I've been able to overcome them. I told them about some specifics and went a little in depth but for the most part I was focused on showing how I've been able to succeed despite the skepticism, scarce resources, and family problems.

I submitted this essay already but I wanted to see how others saw it and interpreted it. I really appreciate the feedback. I will definitely look into the tips! Thanks and God bless!

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