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Essay about How do you pay your tuition and living expenses while in college?

Sophia123 1 / -  
Mar 4, 2018   #1
Essay about How do you pay your tuition and living expenses while in college? Do you work to support yourself whil studing ? explain (800 words Max) .

Tell me your opinion and advice or suggestions about what I have written, this scholarship require to write 6 essays ( 600 - 800 words max ) each one. So there is other essays I covered my goals that fit the organization. this essay number one with 651 words.

i got accepted to the faculty of history external commerce!

Saturday morning, I am checking my high school website to know which faculty I get accepted in.
After 5 hours of pressure and nervousness combined with hopes and dreams of studying History and art. While I check the website over and over for many times,then, finally I saw this massage :

You got accepted to the faculty of external commerce in ------ university.

I choked, these few words made me speechless and confused do not know what I am going to do. I always get the full marks in History and social studies subjects every year, My teachers and friend knows how much I love history and it will definitely be my field. They even called me sometimes the history expert. And all of a sudden everything I have dreamed of crashed in few seconds as the crash of the world trade center in 2011.

Few silence seconds before my mother ask: Ha, what is the results?
In my mind a thousand of thoughts and ideas, Have I cry in this situation and reveal some of my bad feelings and negative thoughts at this moment? Or instead think what is the other options and chances I can do? Or forget my goals and re plan my future based on this faculty that I do not like and move on like everyone else? Or should I just tell my mother that I am going to faculty I do not like and you have to solve this problem?

But, none of this I told my mother. I told her and everyone that I get accepted in the faculty of archaeology as I always dreamed of with this fake smile on my face of course. However, I have no idea how I will get there at this time.

Through my previous activities and my volunteering work I have learned two amazing lessons: first, I have to be responsible of everything in my life and do not blame anyone for bad thing happen. Second, pad moments will help me more to discover my true love and passion in life more than the good ones.

There for the next day I went to the faculty of archaeology in ------- university to ask about the possibilities of transferring to it. But there was no hope in that because the administrators said: all the sites filled with students and that is impossible to get me in.

At this year my family was straggling financially because my father get retired from his work and he would not be able to help me financially, because he was responsible of my other two brother and sister. So this put me under more pressure.

But there is nothing impossible, here I am senior student in the faculty of archaeology. I remember those days were the hardiest in my life, because I had to face all of this alone by myself for the first time. Besides of this, I get a scholarship from my university to cover all of my tuition fees. And I had honored at my first year with being the best student in the faculty.

Apart from being able to work as a call center agent night shift to cover the other university expenses. I have done a lot of volunteering and activities at my university which made me able to be a vice president of the culture and media committee in the student union

I believe with the scholarship, I will be able to pursue my learning journey and gain this unique experience in history from the excavations and the research project followed. It has always been my goal to become involved in this field, and add specific things that people will look at it after that and see something new from their culture. Therefore, I hope that you will help and provide me with the chance to pursue this goal, which I believe is achievable with your support.
Ebbie1 - / 2 2  
Mar 5, 2018   #2

'But, none of this I told my mother. I told her ...'

My take on this sentence is simple: Delete everything after mother. you do not want your school thinking you're a liar, right? just say something like, I didn't tell my mother. I was going to try and meet with faculty and ....( this shows you take initiative which is a good sign).

you were vague and said volunteer and other activities(be specific!) tell the committee which volunteer work(s) brought about this new found revelation. Let them also see what type of volunteer work you speak of.

bad not pad (grammar error)

It's good that you said the next day you went there (initiative and responsibility-colleges like that).

as for your father retiring, I believe you can say something like ," In this/at this year, my father just retired which had a grave impact on our finances and showed the importance of a scholarship to fund my educational pursuits. My father had the sole responsibility of taking care of my two siblings who were also in college and this encouraged me to work harder for a scholarship.

you said you had to face this 'alone by myself' (repetition!) alone is already by yourself. choose one.

instead of saying nothing is impossible, I think writing, 'However, despite all of this drawbacks, I persevered and am currently a senior student in the faculty of archaeology. The experiences I passed through were some of the hardest in my life... My tuition fees are covered by my university and i received the honor of being recognised at the end of my first year as the best student in my faculty" (this sounds or seems better, your take?)

Despite a busy day at school, I go to work in the evenings as a Call center rep as a means to cover all my other university expenses.Due to my volunteering at (be specific!)...I emerged as the vice president of...

your closing paragraph isn't strong (it needs to be stronger if you want to leave with a close that makes them remember you). Try to make it more refined and you'll be good to go.

Main flaws:

Your grammar isn't giving off the best vibes towards your essay especially as a senior in college (make your grammar more College like)

make your grammar stronger...i've corrected some of your sentences which makes it stand out more because those previous sentences you write made your work look like a high school student.

Sentence construction

Pros: your essay is showing that you didn't give up. it shows some form of determination. you also answered the prompt which is key.

I hope I was able to help you out.
If you work on it a bit, it will be exceptional!

say something about how your academics or athletics or whatever it is that gave you the full tuition scholarship is still a driving force for you. you can't and shouldn't just say you received a tuition scholarship. Let them know what made you so unique that despite the other students who must've worked hard for this scholarship you received it. you get?
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,692 3497  
Mar 10, 2018   #3
Sophia, your whole essay, save for the part where you discuss working as a call center agent is nothing more than filler that does not respond to the question. There are 3 parts to the response for this essay. (1) How do you plan to pay for your tuition and living expenses upon enrollment? (2) How do you plan to pay for your living, tuition, and other expenses as an actively enrolled student?) (3). How do you plan to pay for future unexpected expenses? All of these questions need to be responded to in a specific manner. That is, actually explain how you plan to keep money in your pocket for expenses not covered by the scholarship should you fail to get it. Your first answer is that you will continue to work as a call center agent at night. Then what? How do you plan to augment that income should you be forced to quit the night job in favor of sleep so you can function as a student who attends daily classes? Can your parents help to support you to a certain extent? If yes, how? If no, what options do you have other than the scholarship? Consider how you plan to support yourself in college. That is what the prompt is all about.

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