Global UGRAD - Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program?
The perfect spot
In 2014, I first time heard about the Global UGRAD program and applied for the 2015 scholarship. Then, I failed and I realized I haven't met any of the criteria of the candidates in Global UGRAD. So I spent my time since then to practise, learn and grow to be a better man, a better candidate. Now I apply for the program one more time and I am confident that I am a right candidate the program is searching for.
Firstly, I am valid as a good culture ambassador. My ethnic background is bi-culture: Vietnamese Chinese. I have grown up as a family of rich culture, my father was a Chinese opera singer. He used to have musical tutor to teach me and my siblings to play the zither (a kind of Chinese old musical instrument). He also took us to the local theater whenever he was in a play. While my mother was a very good house cook, she can cook various Vietnamese and Chinese dishes. And she thinks that her children, regardless of gender, should know how to cook at least a few dishes so she have taught us what she knows. And the dish called summer rolls which was taught by her was the Vietnamese dish that I chose to present in the culture sharing day with foreigners I hosted on May, 2016. She is also very artistic and has basic knowledge of fashion. Her passion in fashion has passed on to me and just like her, I am influenced by both Vietnamese and American fashion styles. I believe by experiencing the exchange cultural life in America will help me to understand more about the American culture and define my true fashion style.
Secondly, I will be a good candidate in terms of leadership background and sharing spirit. I was not born with natural leadership. However, I have learned to be a leader through my leading experiences, both failure and success, and through experienced people. On reflecting the camp leader experience on September 2016, I learned from my mistake that real product and runtime model should be done at least one week before the event starts. And there are many more of leader experiences I can offer to share with other candidates and American friends as well as I want to learn from others. My motive in life has always been share to shine and UGRAD can be a great sharing and learning opportunity.
Thirdly, I am not only a young social volunteer but also a compassionate green activist. When I was 7, I promised my dear aunt that one day I would devote my strength to the society, especially to the poor and the one in need. I have tried very hard to keep that promise by volunteer in social activities. From being a volunteer teacher in Oncology Hospital classroom to being an organizer of a big project on May 2016, I understand more about real volunteer work. The project called Lux et Amor (meaning Light and Love) was aim to bring electricity to the poor community on Con Ho Isle, Tra Vinh province. In this project, the participants and I installed four solar panels (a green and eco-friendly solution toward the issue) for four poor families having spent more than half of their lives without electricity. I believe UGRAD is a key for me to other society works in America.
In general, I know that UGRAD program is not only life-changing experience but also the best place for me to learn, to share and to shine.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,194 3644
Hyunh, do not ever cross over the line by telling the reviewer that you are a perfect candidate for this program. Specially if that impression that you have is based upon your previous failure to qualify for the scholarship program. You are never sure of the criteria that may or may not allow you to join the program this time around. So don't make false or presumptive assumptions pertaining to your chances this time around.
Allow him to come to that decision by himself. Do not ever think that it is OK to dictate to the reviewer regarding how he should be viewing you in the essay. Don't come across as over confident because you have applied to the program before so you know that you will qualify this time around. Take a more humble tone and appeal to the reviewer as a second chance applicant hoping for a more positive outcome to his application this time around. Don't ever try to second guess how the reviewer should treat and consider your application.
The paragraph all about your parents and your background as a Vietnamese Chinese is out of focus. The application officer is not interested in the background, abilities, and talents of your parents. He is only interested in you. Your background, your talents, and your abilities because you are the one who will be enjoying the benefits of a semester abroad, not your parents. So you should probably rethink the presentation in that paragraph. Change the focus from your parents to you instead.
In the second paragraph, again, you are assuming that you now have all the qualifications of an excellent candidate. Remove that reference in the opening sentence. Instead, offer your leadership abilities with a sense of confidence that it might be of help as to the group of exchange students studying in the U.S. for a semester. What you consider an excellent leadership skill may not be viewed that way by the reviewer. So try to avoid boasting in your essay.
In the paragraph about your volunteer activity, avoid mentioning an age and a promise to your aunt. Revise it to simply be a statement of a relevant volunteer activity that you feel has helped you better prepare for a semester abroad.
There is also a need for you to better develop your closing paragraph. It is too short and lacks any sort of impact that will help your essay become memorable in nature.