Dear all, I loved to hear about your criticism and feedback for AAS' supporting statement about
"Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?".
Thank you in advance.
I choose to pursue PhD in mining geomechanics is driven by my passions to achieve the depth of knowledge necessary to be able to solve complex engineering problems in ground control. A PhD in engineering would equip me for the skills to comprehend the technical challenges posed in the surface and underground mining.
I have always been attracted by mechanical physics since my undergraduate year. I've joined the Laboratory of Physics and the Laboratory of Geomechanics and Mining Equipment as laboratory assistant because of the interest to understand the mystery of this complex media, i.e., soil and rock, which governs the majority of Earth's lithosphere. After I completed my master degree, I've worked in a geotechnical and mining consulting company to enable me to see it for myself the big picture between research and practice gap in the industry.
For this reason, having a clearer picture to the problem, caused me to pursue a doctoral program in mining geomechanics. The institutions where I proposed at, Monash university and Curtin university, are comprised of high-yielding researchers with high citation index and impressive contribution to the field. This offers an opportunity in developing my personal capacities to become a strong contributor to the field of geomechanics.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,692 3498
You fail to depict your current work position in relation to your chosen courses. The tone of the essay makes it seem like you are a hobbyist rather than a professional involved in an important field. It sounds too amateur and does not carry a formal tone in the presentation nor information that would show the seriousness of your application. You also failed to identify specific courses at each university that you are interested in pursuing. You have to explain what the courses are and how these connect with your academic and professional needs. Be specific by discussing it per course at each university, not a collective reference. That style of presentation is forgetful, confusing, and lacking in substance as far as the reviewers are concerned.
Rather than speaking much of your undergraduate study, you need to focus more on your master degree and research. Explain your previous research topics, theoretical or conceptual framework and how it is in line with your proposed study. Furthermore, you need to elaborate the academic contribution you want to bring in your PhD. Take a note that you need to explain current theoretical gap, why the gap exist, and which theory you would like to questions in your phd.