I am Bolatito
RE: APPLICATION FOR THE ......................................................... SCHOLARSHIP
I am Bolatito. I always seek knowledge through effort, this helped me to graduate with a first class honors and within top 1% (distinction) in my undergraduate and masters degree respectively at the one of the prestigious university in Nigeria, university of Ilorin I love to impact knowledge and also give back to the society which made me take up the role to work as an assistant lecturer in my alma mater.
My research experience started during my undergraduate thesis. I worked on enzyme production but being an inquisitive person I assisted my co supervisee on research related to food preservation and spoilage. I was able to master technique such serial dilution, culturing of microorganism, biochemical, morphological and microscopical identification of organism, methods of pretreatment of substrates to make them more accessible to microorganism, fermentation techniques for enzyme production, knowledge of essential oil extraction, methods of testing the oil against food spoilage microorganisms and also advanced my understanding about result computation and compilation. I am also knowledgeable about proximate analysis, experimental design, molecular identification of microorganisms, multiple alignment using fast fourier transform (MAFFT) to show the relatedness of the organism, the use IBM statistical package for social sciences (SPSS) and graph pad for data/ result analysis, experimental design, scientific proposals writing, summarizing of the research to manuscript for publication in journal, all this were learnt and mastered during my master degree. My researches have always been toward the reduction of environmental pollution through the use of lignocellulosic waste, finding solution to antimicrobial resistance and also prolonging the life span of food, thereby improving people life and health and increasing wealth.
I want to become a great microbiologist to help solve the problem of the world such as antibiotic resistance, food spoilage and preservation, reduce environmental pollution. This made me seek the mentorship of several senior colleagues who work on different research area within the scope of industrial microbiology such as antibiotic resistance. I contribute meaningfully and significantly to their researches and earning there respect. This did not only encouraged me to be hardworking but also increase my ability to multitask. My goal is to provide solution to issue of antimicrobial resistance, infection reduction and make the world a better place.
I work as an assistant lecturer in a university and will like to continue to work as a lecturer contribute significantly to researches on the use of microorganisms to affect positively the human population, further my education, become a professor with vast knowledge on microorganism and biotechnology and help provide solution to microbial related problem in pharmaceutical and biofuel industry.
I am at the beginning of my career path although I have attained significant progress in it, I want to thank you for sincerely considering me and I believe that with my experience and academic achievement in the field I am right to be an awardee of this scholarship. with this scholarship I will be able to solve more microorganism related problem in the future, reduce the fee burden of PhD, advance my knowledge, receive additional specialized training, broaden my networking system, change orientation of student most especially the female ones about international scholarship.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,562 3753
The first 2 sections of your essay are not really significant to this PhD motivation letter. As a scholarship applicant, you should be discussing your motivation in a more professional manner. Right now, this essay sounds like it was written for a high school scholarship instead of a PhD. The writing is too elementary and does not reflect the insight and abilities of a person who supposedly has a masters degree tucked under his belt.
Work on revising the scholarship motivation letter by using paragraphs 3,4 and 5. These are the more significant presentations that relate to your motivation. However, you should also be discussing how your masters degree studies influenced and motivated you to pursue a PhD. What more do you hope to achieve? Why is that your driving motivation?
You need to sound more like a highly educated person in this essay. It is too simplistic and makes you come across as a not so very well educated person instead. The reviewer will find it hard to believe that you are an undergraduate, much less a masters graduate, based on the type of informal, casual, and mid-range English vocabulary used in this essay.
Try to use more advanced vocabulary in relation to your profession. You need to sound better educated in the essay. Try to impress the reviewer, but not too much. Don't try too hard, but don't try to little, as you did in this essay, either. Try to find a language balance that will help you both inform and impress the scholarship reviewer.
If I knew what the motivation letter instructions were, I believe i could have given you even more significant advice. Unfortunately, you forgot to upload the instructions so I can only give you a general review of your essay.