I had to write an essay on my educational and career goals. I need some help editing as it's been 11 years since I've been in school. I prefer putting it online as hopefully no one will judge me and be to harsh!!
Thanks in advance for any help!
My name is Theresa Knight, I am attending Erie County Community College this fall. I plan to
take all my prerequisite classes and then apply to the Dental Hygiene program. After I complete the
Dental Hygiene program my goal is to obtain a position in the dental field, preferably working with
children.
My educational plan is to start my prerequisite classes this fall and not only complete them but,
to do well in the classes also. I want to learn as much as possible and do as well as possible that way I
feel more comfortable when it comes time to applying for the Dental Hygiene program. When accepted
into the program, my goal is to learn everything possible about my chosen field and work as hard as I
can to advance in my field. How I plan to accomplish this is by having perfect attendance and never
missing a class, as well as asking questions if I don't understand, studying as often as possible, and
really focusing all my attention on my study's.
In my career, I have many goals and there are many milestones I dream to achieve. The career
goal that means the most to me is being able to work with children. Once I finished my education I
aspire to get a job in pediatric dentistry. I have a 6 year old son at home who I am very big on teeth care
with and we love to make it fun. I would love to bring my passion of dental hygiene and my love of
working with kids together. I want to be able to ease kids nerves while at the dentist, but the biggest
thing for me is being able to teach our next generation how important it is to take care of themselves.
I know that none of my dreams would be possible without earning my degree in Dental
Hygiene. Therefore, I am committed to working my hardest in school and continuing to look for
opportunities that could help make my dreams a reality.
Theresa, it was really nice to have you here as a part of EssayForum family. I will try to do my best to give some corrections regarding to your grammatical problems. You can see it below:
- My name is Theresa Knight. I am... (period, then make a new sentence)
- ...my prerequisite classes, and then apply... (comma needed)
- this fall. andI am not only going to complete them, but also to do well in the classes also.
- ...as well as possible that way. (period, make a new sentence)
- when it comes time to applying forto a time for applying the Dental Hygiene program.
- ...my attention on my study's.studies.
- the biggest thingmatter('thing' is less formal)
- ...next generation about how important it is to take care of their teeth by themselves. ('themselves' are standing alone without any references, then I gave you additional words)
- ...I am committed to working my hardest in school and continuing to look (parallel sentence, should be the same format)
For the content, I guess it was quite understandable, well-said, all ideas are also presented well. I like the way you give an example about your son, which was really touching. Good luck on revising it Theresa :)
Hi Theresa, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope that you will find this website helpful and useful in your writing reference. We strive to help writers and students alike in making sure that they are able to come up with a well written if not the best essay.
Now, I want to appease you with your doubt in writing, think about it as like you are talking, but you have to put it in a physical paper and you have to submit it to somebody who will critique it. Moreover, you don't have to write your name in this essay, stating the obvious will sometimes help, but this is not relevant to this essay.
Furthermore, try to group your sentences into bold paragraphs, for your essay in particular, you can create about 3 paragraphs, your introduction, the body and the conclusion. Mind the substitution of your words, like when you already established your goal, avoid repeating the same words on the succeeding paragraphs.
I hope this insights helped and I wish you the best of luck!
Thank you for the help!
Hi Theresa, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF, it is one of the reasons that fuel us, keeps us going and gives us the adrenalin to kick those pens and start writing.
For future writing reference, I suggest that you read more, practice the language as often as you can and even more so, keep your progress on the record, this is how most English practitioner became better at the craft and treat the language as your own, overall, practice is the key to be good at anything we do, life in general is like that I guess.
Theresa, one more thing, I hope you post all there is that you can write, this way, you will be able to showcase other writing techniques, discussions are also good write ups, they invoke your sense of learning and understanding the essence and expression of the English language.
Keep writing.
