Hello, I am applying for AAS in the class of 2021. It would be a pleasure to get my essay reviewed.
QUESTION: Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?
In recent years, Indonesia experienced democratic decline. Scholars have been analyzed various shortcomings such as the quality of political institutions, the strength of civil society movement, and potential polarization leading to the 2024's national elections. However, few have been systematically paying attention to the impact of businesses to policy outcomes and their interplay with formal actors. Furthermore, obtaining conceptual and theoretical frameworks of Indonesia's democratization process will be beneficial with my current role as researcher in Indonesia Corruption Watch (ICW). Therefore, I am interested in pursuing a graduate study in the Political Science department of Australia National University.
Compared to the dominant oligarchic thesis that neglect the significance of social forces and values in Indonesia's democratization, the pluralist approach applied by the Coral Bell School of Pacific Affairs proved to be more accurate in explaining the development in Indonesia. As a middle ground approach, the perspective assessed both popular and elite agency as well as analyzing the quality of democratic institutions such as political parties, legislative bodies, and rule of law. The pluralist approach therefore able to answer the questions of why corruption occurred and civil society movement unable to resist and mobilize the anti-corruption movement.
The faculties in Coral Bell School have a long established commitment to the Indonesia democratization process and developed recent interest in inquiring money politics. As a former student activist and human rights defender, I also have familiarity with the works of Coral Bell's scholars and look forward to closely learning from them. In regards to sources of political corruption, Marcus Mietzner has contributed by analyzing the political party system and funding regime. During my time as a student activist, I had the opportunity to invite Mietzner to my Indonesian Political History classes. Moreover, Professor Edward Aspinall works on money politics providing theoretical contributions and methodology to analyze the day-to-day informal politics in Indonesia.
Finally, the Coral Bell School's commitment on the development of Indonesian politics highlighted in the annually Indonesian Update conference. For more than twenty years, the interdisciplinary conferences have monitored, analyzed, and developed theoretical and conceptual frameworks on dynamics of Indonesian politics since the New Order era. Moreover, the Indonesia Project has invited prominent scholars on Indonesian Politics and has contributed to the study of Indonesia's democratization and working with the government, civil society, and business network to improve Indonesia's democracy quality.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 You are too focused on a single course and school within the ANU system. The requirement for this application indicates a 2 course and university choice. So your essay does not meet the requirements for the application. You need to revise the essay after you have completed your research of universities that might have masters course offerings in line with your professional goals or academic needs. As of now, the essay is wordy and informative, but falls short of the application requirement of 2 universities. You should do your best to meet the minimum standards first, then come back here and have your essay reviewed again. At that time, I should be able to better review your essay in relation to application considerations. Right now, you are limiting your application consideration due to the single university and course consideration that you have presented.
Hi Holt,
According to the AAS committee, I am able to only select one university and I myself only interested in applying at ANU. Would you mind to remain give me feedback on that?
Thanks
