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"Not only politicians, but also business people" - Leadership Characteristics


kcybug 2 / 4  
Nov 26, 2010   #1
Hi, this is my "personal statement" for a Scholarship Application. Feedback would be appreciated :)
Please describe in 350 words or less the most important characteristics of a great leader and explain why such characteristics lead to effective leadership. (350 word limit)

Leadership is a quality that few possess and many strive for. From Winston Churchill to Sojourner Truth, select men and women from around the world have demonstrated their prowess for guiding those around them. Unique attributes such as courage and perseverance among other things, are what make them worthy to lead in the eyes of their followers and set them apart from the rest of the world.

When governing a particular group of people, whether it's a nation or a corporation, one must be able to act as a voice for those they represent and fight for their best interest because after all, leadership is not about the individual but the wants and demands of the people. A leader must therefore appeal to the public and be charismatic as well as relatable in order to gain support and secure the role. As evidenced by past events such as Pearl Harbor and various revolutions around the world, the role of leader is not one without hardship and trying decisions. President Roosevelt did not shy away from declaring war against Japan after Pearl Harbor. Instead, he boldly addressed the nation regarding the offense, prepared the nation for war and proposed the declaration to Congress. Roosevelt not only showed courage in a time of turmoil but remained a just representation of the people as well.

These traits apply not only to politicians, but other types of leaders as well, such as CEO, Steve Jobs. Apple's Steve Jobs adds another element to the mix, innovation. What makes him a competent leader of the Apple Company is his ever-changing improvement to his widely distributed products, effectively simplifying the lives of millions. As a leader, it is necessary to provide one's followers with a continuous influx of new ideas. Not only does Jobs contribute to the progress of modern technology but he is also an inspiration to many of his followers, whether they are Apple Company enthusiasts or one of his many employees.

The required attributes of a leader may vary depending on the population in question, but the basic necessities include courage, charisma, perseverance, competence, and innovation.
megangaller 1 / 1  
Nov 26, 2010   #2
Hi! I dont think ill be much help but i have a suggestion :)

i was always taught to steer clear of vagueness so maybe you should reword "among other things" and "and various revolutions"

idk if you should delete them completely or just change them to more detailed examples. i think you might be fine with the second fragment i pulled out but i know that i have seen people use the first fragment and its frowned upon.

sorry that was just grammatical help. as far as content, i think its great. especially the modern entry of steve jobs which people will be able to relate to!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 8, 2010   #3
You should have some commas here to help regulate the sentence:
...for their best interest, because after all leadership is not about the individual but the wants and demands of the people. ----With a long sentence it is important to avoid extra stuff like "after all."

This is written with good grammar, but it is a little simplistic. If you are trying to demonstrate good writing, you succeeded, but if you are trying to introduce a new idea you have not. The essay can be improved if you share with the reader an insight that the reader may not already know.

:-)


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