can you please proof read my essay and give your critiques and comments. thanks
the topic is Describe your career interest in the oil and gas industry
As a child, one of my greatest desires was to help make this world a better place. Over the years, this has been my motivation to further my education and go to school. I have always wanted to be an electrical engineer and use it to help solve multi-dimensional world problems. When I was in middle school, I always imagined myself working as an environmentalist, but as the years passed by, I changed my career interest during high school. I realized that my interest was not in the environment, but actually in electronics. I then decided to direct my career path towards becoming an electrical engineer. I am currently working on a bachelor's degree in electrical engineering with the intention of obtaining a PhD in this field. I also plan on doing research with other professors in the electrical engineering field and also with chemists in order to understand the concepts of both electrical engineering and the petroleum industry. In doing this, I would be able to understand the concepts of both fields better. Doing this would help me figure ways in which I can help the environment through electrical engineering in the petroleum industry.
Oil and gas is the world's most important and used energy resource, and since technology and the amount of oil and gas resources are increasingly becoming more in demand, it is essential that the industry continues to produce genuine and reliable resources. I hope to help with the growth of the industry by becoming a power or electronics engineer, which are branches of electrical engineering. Both power and electronics are essential in the production of gas and oil. All the systems used in the drilling, refining and management of oil and gas products need some sort of power, mostly electrical power. Also, electronics can be used for the same things. For example and electrical drill which is used in the drilling of oils require power and some sort of electronic device to function. Also, oil and gas refineries and even the pumps need power and electronics to function properly.
Hi :) Your essay sounds great! I had some ideas on changing some wording, just suggestions, but it will be fine if you keep it as is.
I have always wanted to be an electrical engineer and use it to help solve multi-dimensional world problems.
When I was in middle school, I always imagined myself working as an environmentalist, but as the years passed by, I changed my career interest duringmy interests changed as I entered high school. I realized that my interestideal career path was not in the environment, but actually in electronics.
I then decided to direct my career path towardsfocus on becoming an electrical engineer in the future .
Oil and gas is the world's most important and used energy resource, and since technology and the amount of oil and gas resources are increasingly becoming more in demand, it is essential that the industry continues to produce genuine and reliable resources.
I believe that this is a run-on sentence, you may want to shorten it, or turn it into 2 sentences.
Both power and electronics are essential in the production of gas and oil. All the systems used in the drilling, refining and management of oil and gas products need some sort of power, mostly electrical power. Also, electronics can be used for the same things. For example and electrical drill which is used in the drilling of oils require power and some sort of electronic device to function. Also, oil and gas refineries and even the pumps need power and electronics to function properly.
I think you are getting off-track with all of this. In order to stay on topic, keep talking about your future goals and how your education will help you achieve those goals. Explain how the field relates to you personally. Good luck in school :)
