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"Power of Money"; SCHOLARSHIP- Field of Study and what has influenced mydecision


dellday23 1 / 1  
Mar 14, 2013   #1
Please help me with my scholarship essay, thank you in advance for considering!

Describe your to pursue this path. How would this scholarship help you to achieve your goals and faciliate your growth as a leader in your chosen field? (1000 words or less)

Dear Sir/Madam
My name is Cong Nguyenthanh. I am applying for the GE foundation scholar-leaders 2013. Presently, i am a freshman in Finance and Banking. I believe my chosen profession will enable me to fulfill all of my desires to gain achievements and growth as a leader in my career.

Passions have always been an important aspect of my life. In my opinion, a person is only great when he or she acts from passion. When i was a child, i have seen a movie about finance, especially stock market in Hongkong, socalled "Power of Money". Being extremely impressed and curious by this movie, i gradually found out about what the securities are by asking my mom who has a lot of experience in finance. But on that time, maybe i have not enough ability to wholly understand difficult financial knowledge from my mother, and several years later when i grow up more, i started explore this issue by myself through newspapers, television programs, ... I always ask myself some questions such as: Why Warren Buffett can become a glorious investor or How Apple developed their business through stock market in the past, etc ... And that is one of many factors influencing my decision to pursue my own path. In Vietnam University Entrance Examination held by the Ministry of Education and Training, I decided to register into Financial investment and analysis, Finance and Banking faculty in Foreign Trade Universiy.

For everyone, the decision to pursue the field of study is extremely significant because "with every choice you make, you create your life". For me, it took a long time to have thoughtful thinking on this issue, before i decided my own career choice. Indeed, I have made some essential decisions for my life. Some were truly good and smart but some were not. There is no denying that in that case i used to affaid, doubt of my choice. However, i gradually realized that no matter what the results will be, I will have no regret for that, confront with that. Thanks to those experiences, those successes and failures, those pleasures and pains, I will be myself, a stronger, more mature man. And another result that in my opinion was most important in my decision was my passion with Economy in general and Finance in particular. And now, i am currently in my first year of a Bachelor of Finance and Banking at Foreign Trade University, with major in Financial investment and analysis. Financial Investment and Analysis is a field of study in which i as well as other student following that will be educated with a special education in finance and investment to become a financial analyst, treasurer, or involve in trading and managing stocks, bonds, derivatives, and other securities. I will also work as credit analyst, loan officer, or branch manager for a bank or other financial intermediary. Nowadays, there is a great deal of students in Vietnam following their field study in Banking and Finance. It is said that people in Banking and Finance always earn money more than ones in other career, therefore a lot of students in Vietnam decide to follow this field study and believe in a bright future for themselves, followed by a highly competitive environment in this career. This is another reason that explain why i choose this field study. I belong to the type of dynamic, adaptive, workaholic people so i am really interested in rival environments.

GE Foundation scholar - leader is a annual glorious scholar for students who have difficult financial situation. It is my pleasure to receive this scholar. Firstly, the scholar will partly help me to overcome dificulty in finance in order to focus on my study. My father is no longer alive, my family's income almost depend on my mother's pension. No sooner had my dad gone than my mom did try her best to cover my own study despite her old age. She is 64 years old now so i do not want my mother have to work anymore. I will start working for my financial independence from now. Hence i hope this scholar partly help me to overcome these burden, followed by a focus on my own learning. Secondly, this scholar not only provide me a support in finance but also give me a opportunity to gain knowlegde, experience in seminars from staffs who have worked in GE group. With students, especially freshman as me, this is incredible experience . By dint of rigorious traning and experience like this, students as well as me might reach the zenith of career in the future. Vietnamese students often learn from teachers, coursebooks, however they are lacking in real savvy that is very important when they enter their career. Therefore, GE Foundation scholar will significantly equip Vietnamese students knowlegde, skillswhich they do not have in university, nuturing their ability, experience to obtain achievements in the future. I am convinced that these factors will provide me easier access to gain my goals if i received GE Foundation scholar - leader.

Finally, i would like to thank you in advance for considering my application!
ayesha atif 1 / 4  
Mar 14, 2013   #2
Hello
what kind of help do you need? do you need editing help or proof reading? or want to make changes in the essay? please specify the kind of help you need!

thank you!
OP dellday23 1 / 1  
Mar 14, 2013   #3
Oops! I am deeply sorry, maybe some anxieties make me forget it!!! Please help me with editing my essay! Thank you a lot!
temptprovidence 8 / 163 35  
Mar 14, 2013   #4
GE Foundation scholar - leader is an annual glorious schola

from all that i read, you avoided all the grave mistakes. but that was a mistake that is a simple mistake that occured for you out of nowhere.. but that was a sign to show that there are other mistakes like that too.. you better go for a rereading and you yourself will certainly find out.

you have a good collection of points and expressions.. go for a revision and you will go with that perfectly.. although i didnt find one i will still request you to reach out for microsoft word pad..just copy paste it there and it will point out all sorts of errors. grammatical in green. others in red underline.hope it can help out even more...!!! BEST OF LUCK :)
EnvGradStud - / 3 1  
Mar 28, 2013   #5
I think it is a good essay. I really liked the beginning. You have explained the origins of your interest in finance and the reason why the scholarship will help you quite well. I am applying for a scholarship myself and though I do not desperately need it, I am seeking ways to ease the financial burden of my sponsors. As temptprovidence said, just go through it (using word or wordpad) and identify grammatical errors. All the best and good job!
EnvGradStud - / 3 1  
Mar 28, 2013   #6
Currently, I am freshman in Finance and Banking.

profession will enable me to fulfill all...

to gain achievements and growth

Passions

Being extremely impressed and my curiosity aroused by this movie, i gradually found out about what the securities are by asking my mom who has a lot of experience in finance. But on that time, maybe i have not enough ability to wholly understand difficult financial knowledge from my mother, and several years later when i grow up more, i started explore this issue by myself through newspapers, television programs, ... However, at that age I probably did not have the ability to fully understand the difficult financial terms explained by my mother, and several years later when I was older, I begun exploring these issues on my own through newspapers...

I always ask myself some questions

Etc. Just look out for grammatical errors and sentence revision. Success!
temptprovidence 8 / 163 35  
Mar 28, 2013   #7
you can try what i suggested for that..


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