Hey everyone! I need to make this essay shorter in order to fit with the directions of the scholarship. The response should be between 600-800 words, and I am a lot over that, at around 1450. ANY help that anybody could provide is extremely appreciated. I am passionate about the topic and had a lot to say, so I'm having a hard time cutting things out! ANY HELP is appreciated and I will return the favor.
"Spending the majority of my life in an idyllic small town nestled in the hills of Southern Oregon is one of my life's biggest blessings. The sense of community I had growing up in Ashland, Oregon helped me form the strong foundation of personal values that I stand firmly on today, which (coupled with some seriously amazing teachers) led me to develop my love of learning and my equally strong passion for teaching and giving back to my community. While always celebrating acceptance of diversity, another constant in Ashland was ignorance of the outside - both politically and geographically - which became the source of my goal of experiencing not just some of the world, but the entire thing. Understanding the cultures of the world and being a great teacher are inextricably linked, and the Presidential Scholarship program is the perfect opportunity for me to gain further insight into the relationship between the two. On my voyage, I will deepen my understanding of the world as I continue to represent Semester at Sea's core values by making honest and sincere connections with students in five different countries, creating an authentic learning experience for the children and myself, while bridging cultural gaps and fostering a more unified global society.
Part of what makes Semester at my ideal program is the perfect alignment of our core values. As an Elementary Education major and future teacher, I continue my own adventures in learning in and out of the classroom while involving myself in schools throughout my community, always holding my students and myself to a high standard of academic excellence. For me, this means not only getting outstanding grades, but also delving deeper by thinking critically about the subject matter, which allows me to establish new, better-informed perspectives. This value has led me to maintain a college GPA of 3.90, while also teaching at a preschool, working as a nanny, and volunteering several hours a week in elementary school classrooms. Connecting with many children throughout my community provides a dynamic learning experience that helps me become more conscious of the world around me and who I am in relation to it, while also furthering my academic awareness.
I define integrity as always doing the right thing (even when nobody is watching), being honest and sincere with others and myself, taking personal responsibility, and holding strong moral principles. As a preschool teacher, I constantly model respect and integrity in all my interactions so that the children may learn appropriate behavior through my positive example. Being responsible for up to 16 preschoolers and a handful of other student staff members requires me to take responsibility for my mistakes and the mistakes of others. Part of my degree program at University of Oregon is spending a minimum 100 hours in local schools, and I always carry my high moral standards through into my interactions with students and staff of the schools to ensure I am representing my university in a most positive way.
As a teacher and volunteer, I am committed to performing a global service and supporting my community. Whether in downtown Santa Ana, California, or suburban Eugene, Oregon, my investment in supporting the children I work with offers them their best chance for high- achievement, as children are most successful when they have a caring mentor. The diversity among these children strengthens my global understanding and allows me to promote intercultural exchange. On the playground one day, I encouraged two girls to share songs with each other after overhearing one singing a song in Korean, and another singing a song in Chinese. Their fascination with the similarities and differences of their songs and their ecstatic exclamation of their discovery to me, "Teacher! I am singing in Korean, and she's singing in Chinese!," prompted my decision to have the whole class bring in a song to share from their family. As students shared songs from Korea, China, Japan, Saudi Arabia, India, and American folk songs, I noticed their gleeful exploration of one another's cultures, which revealed to me the power of intercultural exchange. I hope to broaden this awareness as a Presidential Scholar.
Being passionate about the state of the world, I am driven to take my teaching career beyond the local classroom and into the global arena. Many famous researchers throughout history, such as John Dewey and Maria Montessori, tout the benefits of experiential learning (or learning from experience) and I know that "learning by doing" is far more effective than listening to a lecture from a cramped desk. As a Presidential Scholar, I will build from this idea as I help children in five different countries to explore literacy while learning in a most authentic way - by creating books about their cultures and what is most important to them.
Literacy opens many doors and is the gateway to success and a better quality of life. As a Presidential Scholar, I will create a genuine literary experience where students are engaged in a project in which they create books about themselves and their cultures. This allows children to become active participants in their literacy, instead of passive bystanders. I will supply the materials (paper and drawing supplies) for the bookmaking, and take the books with me to share from port to port. To find children to work with, I will make connections with schools and orphanages through personal research and Semester at Sea's field program offerings.
Starting with the kindergarteners I currently work with in Oregon, and then with children in Belgium, Ghana, South Africa, and Brazil, I will pose several questions for the kids to consider. As a group, we will think about ideas and answers to the questions "What is most important to you?", "what is interesting about where you live?", and "what is school like?". As the children formulate responses, I will encourage them to think deeply into the question and provide meaningful answers. After a group discussion, each child will create a book with pictures (and words, if they want, in any language) describing their answers to the three questions. I realize many children may feel attached to their work, so I will ask for donations of the children's books to bring to the next city, where I will start the activity by sharing the books by a different culture's children. My kindergarteners from Oregon will create their books, and I will bring them along with me to share with the children in Belgium. Then, the Belgian children's books will be shared in Ghana, and so on and so forth, with the books made by the last group, the Brazilian children, to be shared with my kindergarten class in Oregon. Through this activity, it is my hope that children from a variety of cultures get involved in their literacy, start thinking about who they are in relation to their communities, and I am able to promote global awareness and intercultural exchange by sharing the books between countries.
This bookmaking activity allows me the best opportunity to embody the core values of Semester at Sea while abroad. I am devoted to upholding these values throughout the trip, regardless of receiving this scholarship, but enacting my plan allows my voyage to become even richer. This experience will let me continue to pursue academic excellence as a leader, teacher, and student. Honest and sincere reflection upon the questions and respectful listening to each other's ideas promotes integrity, and sharing their books with children in a far-away country provides an intercultural exchange that fosters a better global understanding among children who will likely never experience these foreign places for themselves.
I choose to live my life as a series of adventures, and I can't wait for my next one on Semester at Sea. Thanks to strong connections to my roots and previous adventures that have prepared me to make the most of my time abroad, I am ready to open my eyes and heart to the world around me. Without the ability to appreciate the beauty in my own backyard and recognize the immense privilege in my life, my voyage would mean nothing, because if the stars over the mountains of Ashland, Oregon don't make me catch my breath, then the ones over the Sahara in Morocco probably won't, either. If the child hungrily eyeing treats in the check-out line as his mother buys the essentials with food stamps doesn't make me feel thankful for (and slightly ashamed of) my overflowing cart, then a South African child holding out a hand with hungry eyes probably won't either. When I was 14, one of my teachers told me "I'm excited for your life". To that teacher - thank you. Those words stuck with me, and I will not disappoint. My journey has only just begun. "
I was able to take it down to 894 words (and then had to add one word at a quick glance). These edits kill two birds with one stone, as the extra paragraphs really impeded the flow of your essay. It might also be helpful to post the prompt so that I can make sure I didn't accidentally take out the most important part of the essay. As far as general advice about the essay, focus in on the two or three ideas that really make you passionate about Semester at Sea, and that way you can really elaborate in detail and show how passionate you really are. The other minor edit I threw in there was related to the fact that the essay isn't the best place to display your resume. The scholarship committee already has one of those. The goal of the essay is to show them what your resume cannot.
As a teacher and volunteer, I am committed to performing a global service and supporting my community. Whether in downtown Santa Ana, California, or suburban Eugene, Oregon, my investment in supporting the children I work with offers them their best chance for high- achievement, as children are most successful when they have a caring mentor. The diversity among these children strengthens my global understanding and allows me to promote intercultural exchange. On the playground one day, I encouraged two girls to share songs with each other after overhearing one singing a song in Korean, and another singing a song in Chinese. Their fascination with the similarities and differences of their songs and their ecstatic exclamation of their discovery to me, "Teacher! I am singing in Korean, and she's singing in Chinese!," prompted my decision to have the whole class bring in a song to share from their family. As students shared songs from Korea, China, Japan, Saudi Arabia, India, and American folk songs, I noticed their gleeful exploration of one another's cultures, which revealed to me the power of intercultural exchange. I hope to broaden this awareness as a Presidential Scholar.
Literacy opens many doors and is the gateway to success and a better quality of life. As a Presidential Scholar, I will create a genuine literary experience where students are engaged in a project in which they create books about themselves and their cultures. This allows children to become active participants in their literacy, instead of passive bystanders. I will supply the materials (paper and drawing supplies) for the bookmaking, and take the books with me to share from port to port. To find children to work with, I will make connections with schools and orphanages through personal research and Semester at Sea's field program offerings.
