IRT Joann
These essays are quite good, but I do have a few minor comments.
Here are some aspects of the first essay to consider:
1)
I think big and will accomplish goals that will make a difference not only in my lifetime but also for the future.
You may want to rewrite this sentence, as it sounds ambiguous.
2)
I was supposed to leave in two days before the airport was bombed.
This sentence could also use some reworking.
3)
I watched falling bombs ruin villages at whole,
This also could use a revision.
4)
As I watched the Jounieh port get attacked,
Should Port be capitalized?
5)
perspective developed; I am only one
I do not think a " ; " is appropriate in this situation.
6)
to counteract all the evil this world suffers
This is an excessively lofty statement. Unless you want to sound like an Ivy Tower theorist, I would suggest you define the statement a bit more, into some a bit more manageable and realistic.
For the second essay, here are some constructive criticisms:
1)
At a young age, my family left Lebanon to come to the States to pursue a better opportunity for my brothers and I because of the war and political tension.
What war are you discussing? What political tension? You should discuss the specific war, or time period to help the reader better understand the setting.
2)
Through these experiences, I am prepared to work in poverty stricken, low-education, limited resource areas.
How have these experiences assisted you in preparing for a job working with the underrepresented?
3)
When war erupted, villages were being bombed, hospitals being demolished, and communication becoming scarce; there was an increasing demand for any aid that could be provided to this medically deprived and risky country.
Consider refining this sentence, possible splitting it into two separate ones. Again, I think the " ; " is not needed.
4)
When war erupted, many people
This is repetitive.
5)
I calmed patients down ,
6)
I calmed patients down, translated between English and Arabic, and reported doctor's orders to the patients. I took blood pressure readings, removed stitches, gave shots, removed dying tissue, and anything necessary to keep the patient alive.
You may want to rework this section of the essay.
7)
I have being volunteering for about 8 years.
8)
I was able to help kids and elderly of all different nationalities
9)
understanding for different
10)
In return, I am not only prepared but desire helping those in underserved areas.
Rework this.
Well, over all I would say you have a wonderful concept. If you were to take these two essays and remodel them with a more fluid and cohesive writing style, I think you very well may have a free education presented to you! Best of luck!