Please see if my essay answers the question asked in an effective way. I'm not very bothered about grammatical mistakes but am looking for critique on my content.
1) a)What is the most urgent challenge facing your organization or community today? Explain your answer. *
b)Tell us about your efforts to address this urgent challenge and what you have learned from the experience. Or, tell us what you would like to be able to do in order to address this challenge.
One of the many downsides to a centralized form of governance is the weak local government institutions that it leaves behind. Since its inception, Pakistan has had a very centralized system of governance where the center held on to most of the powers and the local governments were relegated to play second fiddle to the center. The problem is further compounded by meager resources at the disposal of municipal entities and absence of any transparent mechanism to spend those funds. This then leads to a myriad of social problems like lack of access to clean water, improper and broken sewage system and piles of solid waste in slums.
I genuinely believe that effective decentralization and empowerment of local government institutions can cure many of Pakistan's ills. And although policy formation is required at the national level along with building institutions equipped both technologically and financially for the overhaul of the municipal
system, I have on my own tried to undertake some measures for the improvement of municipal administration.
As Assistant Commissioner and municipal administrator, I've had a first-hand experience how the lack of resources has strained Karachi's municipal infrastructure to the brink of collapse. Corruption and lack of accountability further compound the issue resulting in millions being devoid of access to basic necessities for human survival. It is estimated that 60% of Karachi's population dwells in slum areas which have seen an exponential growth in the past two decades.
Public health management has always remained poor in Karachi but the problem peaked in 2014 where more than 14000 cases were reported for Dengue becoming an issue of public health emergency. Given the shortage of funds, I prioritized the inhibition of Dengue in my jurisdiction. Standing sewage water is the breeding ground for mosquitoes that infect people with Dengue. The lack of awareness as well as close proximity to the unhygienic puddles of water claimed the lives of hundreds of men, women, and children. More than 50 people lost their lives in Karachi alone. With little or no funds at my disposal, I developed a two-pronged strategy where we initiated an awareness campaign in the slums as well as identify key points where the problem was originating from and arranged for a daily exercise of fumigation as well as mosquito eliminating sprays were splashed over the main areas. Moreover, free mosquito repellents were provided to the poor families who were the most vulnerable to the disease.More than a hundred manholes were arranged to cover open gutters that were causing large mosquito breeding as well as the spread of vermin in households and causing poisonous injuries to people.
Within a period of two weeks, we were able to halt the spread of Dengue in the area. Moreover, we were also able to raise enough awareness to make people realize the dangers of Dengue and the importance of the hygienic environment for their health. We have kept the process going on a continual basis which also aids the Polio eradication campaign to a great extent.
Municipal issues in Pakistan are many. Dengue, Cholera, Malaria and other waterborne diseases claim the lives of many who do not live in hygienic conditions. Public safety and hygiene is an issue I'm most concerned about as it affects the most vulnerable strata of our society and I firmly believe these issues can be addressed if we an effective local government system that is not cash starved.
Excellent vocabulary! I might change the last sentence of the first paragraph to include commas, as well as changing 'like' to 'such as'. Maybe some transition words could also be jazzed up, maybe use words like 'Consequentially' or 'as a result'. Other than minor aesthetic changes I think it's very well written and effectively answers the prompt.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,524 3442
Nazia, your response is too wide in coverage. You have tried to present a multitude of problems related to the governance of your country, making you seem like you are trying to take on the establishment when what you should be doing, is looking for smaller battles to fight and win. The focus of your essay needs to be tweaked to instead reflect, the municipal problems that you are dealing with in your capacity as a municipal administrator. Why should you focus on that? Simply put, the focus should be on the problems that you can directly effect solutions to and handle in terms of preventive measures in the future.
Right now, you have an over complicated discussion that does not really focus in a single problem for presentation and discussion. Pick the best problem to represent your abilities as a municipal officer and then discuss those points alone. Your essay will become shorter but more informative and relevant to the prompt requirements in the process.
thanks so much, Holt. But could you tell me which paragraphs or sentences then I need to omit so it doesn't seem very wide in coverage?
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,524 3442
You can opt to remove paragraphs 1 & 2 from the essay in order to cut down on length. That is the part of the essay that I told you is too broad in coverage and as such, makes the focus of your essay really scattered in presentation. In my opinion The fact that you are discussing such a broad problem as government decentralization, shows that you have not given ample thought to the best way that you can tackle a singular problem. A problem that you can actually solve based upon your position in the local government. However, the current last paragraph in the essay is not really complete in thought development. In your last sentence, you need to properly close the discussion by indicating that the municipal government needs to place an effective local government that is not cash strapped through the implementation of a specific program that will help regulate and allot expenses to the important areas such as local public health.