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Pursuing a new challenge passionately -- GKS 2021 UNDERGRADUATE


AnaPatricia 1 / -  
Oct 3, 2020   #1
Hi! I'm applying for the Korean Government Scholarship, for undergraduate with a Psychology major. it is also going to be sent to SKKU, YONSEI, and PNU.

if you could check this personal statement and correct whatever you see wrong-- and perhaps giving me some tips-- i would really appreciate it! thank you in advance.

PERSONAL STATEMENT: GKS 2021

There are three things that define you: who you are, what you believe and what you do in this world.
According to the Myers-Briggs type indicator, I am an INFJ. A very passionate, altruistic and insightful person, which is very true if I say so myself. I believe everyone has a treasure inside of them. A potential that's just waiting to be released. But that potential is just going to waste if we don't do our best to make it come out, because what truly marks the difference between who we are and who we want to be, is what we do. Our lives will remain the same if we never try new things, face new challenges, explore different environments. This mindset has turned me into a person who is driven more by curiosity than by fear. My main motivation is that every experience leaves a lesson, every opportunity in life is there to be taken advantage of.

At age 10, my mom passed away due to a cerebral aneurysm. Me, a kid, didn't quite know what I was supposed to do. I felt lost. I constantly asked myself "what do I do now? I'm just a ten year old''. As time passed, I analyzed my situation and my position at the moment, And that's exactly how I discovered what I was capable of. Instead of becoming a traumatized kid who didn't know how to deal with hardships, I became a person who is ambitiously ready for any unknown future or sudden change that awaits me. This was not about me being a victim of my situation and past, It was about me being the protagonist of my story, and therefore, the one responsible for my future. I am a person who hardly says no to new things, and I'm constantly looking for new stuff to learn, new things to work hard for, not caring much about how uncertain or hard the process might be. As Jimmy Carter once said, It's better to fail while striving for something wonderful, challenging, adventurous, and uncertain, than to say, 'I don't want to try because I may not succeed completely.

My curiosity doesn't just stop in looking for things like this; I have a bias to action. I don't entirely fear what reality will bring, I just try stuff. I don't stick to just one passion, because Having different passions makes you become a more flexible and experienced human being, And that's why I am usually pursuing a new one. In the past 5 years, other than school, I've learned photography and worked as an event and portrait photographer. I took speech and public speaking classes which makes me capable of doing voice overs, commercials, teaching others, etc...

I also learned about graphic design and branding, and became the content creator for three different social media pages. I played soccer, participated in dances, attended acting workshops, joined the theatre club at church, and became part of the church choir. All of those things while I managed school and activities inside the school such as leadership experiences, spelling bee contests, writing scripts for plays and helping in the organization of activities. Even now, during a pandemic, I do online courses, and I'm currently one of the coordinators in the adolescents group in my church.

I do everything passionately, I work hard and truly enjoy every single one of those experiences. the relationships that are built, the interaction in different environments, the team work, all the creativity and hard work involved--- All of that is like fuel to me. It's what makes me aim for even more.

Why this program?
The reason why i'm applying to this scholarship is because I feel it's time for me to build a new version of myself in a new environment. My childhood, preadolescence and adolescence have all been built in the same country and kind of the same environment around me, so at this point I feel stuck. Even after trying new things here, I still feel like It's time to move on, and This program offers me the opportunity of experiencing exactly what I'm looking for. A new culture, new ways of living, learning, and also of building a new independent life. This program is a way to discover my potential as a young woman living by herself in a big advanced country like Korea. This is the next step I want to take in my life, this is what I want to grow into next.

Why Korea?
As I said, one of the main things to do to grow in life is facing new challenges and exploring different environments. Korea, to me, is one of the most challenging yet exciting places to study. With a highly competitive educational system, top ranking universities (specially for the major I'm pursuing), Top ranking in Global Index of Cognitive Skills and Educational Attainment, the different culture, language, methods, and everything in general, I see Korea as a country full of opportunities and growth, and I also see it as my opportunity to grow on a bigger scale, both academically and personally, which will give me the opportunity to bring change in any community I make part of in the future.

Overall, this scholarship is one of the greatest opportunities I've pursued until now, and I believe i'm ready for the hard work, determination and passion it requires.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,835 4783  
Oct 5, 2020   #2
The personal statement has a specific set of questions that you need to discuss in essay form. The basic questions you need to respond to include:

- Motivation
- Educational and family background
- Community and other achievements
- Why you chose Korea
- Why each university?

You cannot refer to the age of 10 in this essay. Just introduce your family, without any dramatics. The dramatics are not required. This is a straightforward essay that does not win any additional points for your flair for the dramatics. Revise the essay, provide the required information rather than coming up with your own discussion points. If you want a chance to win this scholarship, focus on properly representing the required information. Not just what suits you.
imhana 5 / 9 5  
Oct 5, 2020   #3
From my point of view, your prologue is too long and some of it is not really important to be mention in your essay. You can short it out into 1-2 paragraphs only and stick to the important thing that you want to highlight to the reviewer.

Another thing is, this is a formal essay so please remove abbreviation like etc from your essay.

I think you do not provide a strong reason about why you choose that program. Instead of saying you are feeling stuck in your current country, I think it is best for you to say something more meaningful like "the program aligns well with my future goals because .............."

I hope this review can help you to create a more powerful essay. Good luck!


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