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QUESTBRIDGE "What do you admire most about your community? What would you change?"


darrensar 1 / -  
Sep 19, 2020   #1
PLEASE GIVE FEEDBACK

multicultural community in Lowell



The USA was long considered a "melting pot," in which people of multiple backgrounds came together forming an "American" culture, spewing out new, refreshing practices. Throughout time, the country has shifted from a homogenous society to more like a salad-bowl; each component unique, yet able to fit in together. To me, that is what my city of Lowell is like. Countless immigrants from all over have poured into the city, introducing traditions that we're able to appreciate. From the annual waterfest that celebrates the southeast asian community to the incredibly grand folk festival that brings together tens of thousands each year, the city knows how to celebrate its people. The people of Lowell are able to learn from each other's experiences and recognize ways of life that are foreign to one's own. We build each other up, forming bridges of trust that allow us to form a sense of respect amongst one another. This is extremely apparent within the walls of Lowell High as well. The school is one of most diverse in the state, and the grandiose recognition of the various cultures supplies a sense of dignity. The school's international language club is just one way we show how proud we are to be different from each other. Each month, students of a certain ethnicity come together to organize an event full of cultural food, performances, and fashion. The city of Lowell is ultimately a mosaic; each piece on its own is beautiful, but when placed together, it forms an eclectic work of art bursting with color. However, Lowell's government is a different story. While the community itself is like a blinding array, the people in power come together to form something similar to a glass of milk. For a city that boasts its multiculturalism, the political power is overwhelmingly white. Half the population is of color, yet seven out of nine city counselors are white, with five of them residing in a single, high-income neighborhood. With a group of people representing a community they could never fully understand, problems are bound to go without solution. Police went without consequence after racially profiling a teen and his friends while they were in pajamas, surrounding them and pulling out their guns. When remarks of lynching were brought forth after Lowell High elected a senior class President, nothing was done. For years our activists have tried to break into a system that seems to ignorantly ignore our voices. The system refuses to accept our perspective, is resistant to change, and is inherently racist.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4773  
Sep 20, 2020   #2
Please remember to break up your presentation into paragraphs. It is extremely difficult to read in this format. The topics are not properly divided and the sentences tend to get squished onto the page because of the lack of proper spacing. If the reviewer finds it hard to read the essay, he may decide to move on to the next essay, making your application weaker in terms of acceptance consideration. He will not be properly informed of your responses because you made it difficult to read your response. It is not easy to read a 422 word essay in the format you currently have it in.

The actual response to the prompt, what do you admire most about Lowell, comes towards the end. It is a multicultural. So make sure that the first paragraph of the essay focuses on that. After getting the reader excited about the multicultural community, then slowly transition to what you want to change, the White Privilege in the community. Make that your second paragraph. After that, write a 3 sentence closing paragraph, just to respectfully close the presentation.

There are only 2 question responses that matter in this presentation. The overall description of your community just takes away the focus and attention of the reviewer from the parts that matter the most. Those early wandering descriptions are what could negatively impact your application essay response presentation.


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