Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Scholarship   % width Posts: 2

Questbridge - Describe an experience that caused you to change your perspective and/or opinion.


camkimble 2 / 3  
Sep 27, 2019   #1

National College Match Essay #2



Describe an experience that caused you to change your perspective and/or opinion.

Our mission began on a particularly cloudy day. Driving to our local Providence House, there was a pit in my stomach that just would not go away. Arriving, I saw many cars parked in the lot for what I assumed was volunteer work or the regular workers. Walking into the building, a strong feeling passed over me and I was immediately met with uneasiness. I continued to walk into the building where I saw a group of people gathered in one area, which I found to be the dining hall. Many of the people there looked content, but there was one person whom I felt I needed to talk to. As I began to approach their table, I realized that the person had been crying and took it upon myself to try to help them in any way possible. We began talking and the woman's name was Michelle and she told me that she had lived on the streets for most of her life. She was around 30 years old when we met and a couple of years prior, she decided she would get her act together and try to become the person she always knew she could be. She received a spot at the Providence House and began her journey. We continued our conversation and she really emphasized the hard times and when she wanted to give up and go back to her old lifestyle. Her faith was the one thing that kept her together and helped her push through. Then, she remembered the whole reason she was crying. Word was received that she was offered a job that would finally break her free of the past life she was living. While I was never told what it was, I am positive that she deserved it and like many others in the world, would take this opportunity to look back and thank everyone that helped her along the way. After spending my whole day there, I went home and all I could think about was how grateful I am for the things and opportunities presented to me.

Maria [Contributor] - / 971 346  
Sep 27, 2019   #2
@camkimble
Hey there! Here's a feedback for this essay. Best of luck in your application process!

If there is a dedicated number of words that you're specifically supposed to follow, I would understand the formatting. If not, I suggest spreading out the content a little bit more. Try to stick with the fundamental three paragraph format as this gives you wiggle room to expound on details. Remember that all of these parts have a clear focus because they dedicate space to a more structured and organized explanation of things.

Looking into the content that you do have now, I find that you could have done better with smaller chunks of sentences rather than clusters of thoughts. When you're story-telling, oftentimes the excessive language can interfere with the relaying of the message. Try to take your essay with more simplicity and see where it goes from there.


Home / Scholarship / Questbridge - Describe an experience that caused you to change your perspective and/or opinion.