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QuestBridge National College Match Short Answers

angeli6778 11 / 36 16  
Sep 18, 2016   #1
Please tell me if the first 2 short answers are specific enough and if the 3rd fits the prompt of "intellectual curiosity". Do my answers paint a distinct picture of me as an applicant, or would I fade into the rest of the essays the admissions officers read?

1. Describe which single activity/interest listed above represents your most meaningful commitment and why. (400 characters; FBLA = Future Business Leaders of America, and was already defined as such, so using an acronym is no problem)

Although business isn't for me, FBLA brought new dimensions into my life. It gave me my first leadership opportunity to make independent financial decisions for the club. It was my first experience competing nationally, standing onstage before 12,000 people, accepting my award. I adapted to an administrative role, gained experience and ambition, and met people whose passion inspired my own.

2. What are your career goals and how did you develop them? (400 characters)
Working in a drug research lab by myself and rarely getting new results made me realize I wanted to take a front-lines approach to healing people and seeing their tangible recovery. Personal experience with mental health issues and self-studying AP Psychology were especially formative for my interest in psychiatry and medicine in general. I also read doctors' memoirs for insight on the profession.

3. Tell us about a concept, theory, or subject that has piqued your intellectual curiosity. What steps have you taken or do you want to take to further explore that interest? (200 words)

My interest in American history and politics is fairly recent. As the 2014 Ferguson riots polarized the country, I, childishly cynical and lacking moderation, believed I didn't want to learn the history of "old white men" at all. But as I watched the arguments over Black Lives Matter unfold, I realized cynicism will never lead to progress. Watching articulate debates and contrasting those with other blustering, emotion-heavy arguments taught me that thorough knowledge of the facts is vital in using civil, intelligent conversation to prevent divisiveness. Even though I'd already taken regular US history, I decided to take AP US History and also AP Government and Politics to get the facts before I can productively contribute to the conversation. I highly anticipate taking part in activism in college, especially because all through high school I've been limited by my parents' disapproval. I'm also lucky enough to be able to apply what I learn in class to the 2016 election. Now, for the first time, I feel invested in this country and in my future of working to ensure that the American narrative will never again be told only by, as 14-year-old me put it, "old white men".

4. If you could meet a character from a book or a historical figure, who would it be and what would you ask them? (200 words)
Dear Mr. Harvey Milk,

On my first day of senior year, I was mistaken for a freshman exactly seven times. And yeah, I'm barely 5'0 with a round baby face to match--a special kind of disadvantage. When you're at the intersection of gender, race, and sexuality--and, to be honest, stature--as I am, the world's scrutiny is like a mixed bag of shame. I'm working on it, though, just as the world is steadily working on it too. If you saw how far the gay movement has come since 1978, would you even believe it? Would you tell us to not get complacent and to keep fighting until true equilibrium has been reached? At what milestone would you declare equilibrium achieved? What role would I, small and lacking an air of authority as I am, play in it?

But it doesn't really matter, does it? I'm not in it to make history or leave a legacy. Take some of the gravitas away, and it gets less scary. I stop worrying about how to make myself loom larger to make an impact. You were simply fighting for what is right, as you were, and I'll do it too, as I am.
PHA2016 39 / 62 4  
Sep 18, 2016   #2
Hello Angeli,

... made me realize [which ] I wanted to take a front-lines ...

Even though I'dI had already taken regular US history,

... because all through high school I'veI have been limited by ...

I'mI am also lucky enough ...

in my point of view writing style should be complete word.

Hope these help
aikoashiya 1 / 39 26  
Sep 23, 2016   #3
Hello again,

Sorry for not responding to your previous posts, however, if you would like to post the new draft in your previous thread, I would be more than happy to read it and give some more of my thoughts if that interests you.

As for the short answers, 400 characters is a very small limit, and as such I think the best way (which you have done) to write these is to be concise and fairly blunt in what you are trying to convey. That is to say, I think you shouldn't be worried too much over whether the short answers seem less flowery or descriptive because I think these essays are solely to provide a little more depth as to the questions at hand. However, I think you could revisit your response to 2 and try to structure it similarly to how you wrote 1, that is to say I feel that 2 doesn't really flow very well, and the ending is especially abrupt and doesn't feel very conclusive to the prompt, rather feels that it should have been moved to the middle.

For 3, I think that the writing is fine, but the content is somewhat controversial in my eyes. It really depends on whether you would like to take the chance with writing something a bit more radical, or whether you might want to be conservative. For example, in a similar prompt for an admissions essay, being a declared Physics major at the time, I wrote about Newton's First Law of Motion. Similarly, having an interest in Psychology you could write about the Action Potential of neurons firing. Again, this isn't really a criticism, but rather a choice that would be up to you to make.

For 4, I feel that you wrote the prompt as if you were sending a letter rather than meeting the person face to face. I think if you could write the response more as a conversation, perhaps even interjecting your own personal opinions towards the ideas of gay rights in Milk's responses towards your questions, you might be able to really flesh out more of yourself rather than in asking these somewhat vague questions. For example, in your question "What role would I, small and lacking an air of authority as I am, play in it?", you might have yourself acting as Milk respond in a way of promoting activism or interacting with support groups or etc. I think the biggest thing to take away would be to have the meeting be more of a 2-way street.

Hope this helps!
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Sep 25, 2016   #4
Hi Li, first of all, your posts has too many prompts in one go that could've been done, one prompt at a time, this way you will be able to give the reviewer a definite focus on the task at hand. Now, don't get me wrong, with this amount of prompts, the reviewers can still choose one prompt to review and come back to review the remaining ones, this way you will also see and check should the insights and modifications were helpful.

Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;

1. Describe which single activity/interest listed above represents your most meaningful commitment and why. (400 characters; FBLA = Future Business Leaders of America, and was already defined as such, so using an acronym is no problem)

- Although business isn't for me,- I believe this particular admission will not do us any good, following the purpose of the essay.

Now, aside from the above remark, for this first prompt, the rest of the sentences are good, however, I must say it did not answer the prompt. The prompt says, name a single particular activity that represents a meaningful commitment and why do you think so. Therefore, you need to pick one strong attribute that inspired and heightened your desire to pursue FBLA and I understand that the club inspired you a lot but the prompt needs a very specific activity.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Sep 25, 2016   #5
Hi Li, the answer to the second essay is in no way relevant to the prompt, the prompt says what are your career goals, therefore, you need to set a sequence of plans on how your career is going to look like in the future. Now don't get me wrong, you have a well written essay, however, it just didn't answer the prompt, regardless if it is short or lengthy, the one that will set it apart from other essays is its contents.

Moving on, in your revision, I suggest that you lay a draft of your future professional career. Something that will be very realistic, feasible at the rate that your academic career is leading to at this point and definitely something that will strengthen your ground in pursuing a degree in FBLA.

There you have it Li, once again I hope the above insights will help you draw a well written and direct to the point essay and I wish to review your revision soon.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Sep 25, 2016   #6
Hi Li, the 3rd prompt, as I go and review it is so far, very detailed, it definitely answered what is asked of the prompt. You made sure that the essay targeted the needed information to bring an intellectual concept and this is very important in creating that ladder towards the goal of making it to the FBLA.

Further to your essay, what also brings it forward is the fact that all the information you feed in the sentences are very relevant to your future, it also depicts a good picture of how you are a person, a student and your intellectual views and how you are standing up for them.

There you have it Li, I will leave the last prompt to you, as I go through it though,
it is a very hypothetical question and I find your answer very well managed, again, mind the minor details and the overall outcome of your answers make sure that they stand to what you believe in and you should be good to go.
chizy7 6 / 52 14  
Oct 18, 2016   #7
Although business isn't for me, instead of saying it use I was not originally interested in business.

For the second essay, mention your career interests and focus more on how you developed them, the development should be personal to you.

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