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Questbridge National College Match - you and the context in which you have grown up


camkimble 2 / 3  
Sep 27, 2019   #1

Biographical Essay for Questbridge



We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations, and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors helped you to grow?

A family sat around waiting impatiently for a phone call from my school. I sat along with them silently reminiscing on all the things that I had done to get to that point- working hard in school, always doing more than was required, having perfect attendance to get all that I could out of my education. My mother and father were always there to help whenever I needed it. I was snapped out of my nervous thoughts when my mom screamed in excitement. I had won Student of the Year in 5th grade! My hard work from the previous five years had paid off, allowing me to relish the emotion in the atmosphere. Even as we celebrated, there was something missing.

My parents were always present in my life supporting me in each new challenge and support each new success. There was never an absence of physical support. There was always something missing. I always had a roof over my head, plenty to eat, and all my needs met, but as I looked around, I was left yearning for that something. As I got older, I realized I was missing a strong emotional connection that just was not there. I wanted someone to actually talk to about how my day was or what happened at school. To share my genuine experiences without having to be lectured was all I was looking for. I realized that my relationship with my parents was lacking.

As I transitioned into high school, I talked with my friends about things their parents had done or something fun that they had done with their parents. I realized they had conversations with their parents about who they liked or something that I might think inappropriate to talk about with parents. I always felt left out because I could not contribute anything to these conversations. I knew I wanted to try to change something with my parents.

Through the first couple of years, I tended to feel alone because no one that I knew could understand my problems and how I felt. I did not try to seek out someone to talk to because I had a little voice in the back of my mind, causing me to stay away and stop trying to figure this out. While I was at the bottom of this hole that I was in, I found someone who is now my best friend that helped me and allowed me to get everything that I was feeling off of my chest. That person's name is Sam and she is the most amazing friend anyone could ever have. Every day, we talked about school, parents, and just random things that would pop into our minds. Most of the time, we did things that normal teenagers do, just trying to have fun because we knew that freedom would not last forever. One particular night, I had a tough conversation with my parents and it ended badly on my end. I called Sam as soon as I could and told her about what happened an how I couldn't tell them what was wrong because I thought they wouldn't understand. Sam helped me build up the courage to actually talk to my parents.

After much thought, I composed myself and talked to my parents about what I really needed and how our relationship was. The talk was a long one that lasted for hours. Things were said that I could never imagine would be said, but we talked about how we could maintain a closer relationship and have times where I could talk to them like a friend, but still in a parently way. There was a point where we finally understood each other and things that needed to be said was said. The feeling I had after was so relieving; I was the most relieved I had ever been in my entire life. While I didn't have the stereotypical parent relationship, the journey of me expressing my feelings in a time of need really allowed me to realize that it is okay to ask for help when it is really needed, but it also helped me become more independent and stand on my own two feet, even if it is a struggle to do so.

Maria [Contributor] - / 979 347  
Sep 27, 2019   #2
@camkimble
Hello. Welcome back to the forum! This will be my feedback for your essay. I hope it somehow helps.

Firstly, I appreciate the story-telling in the very beginning of the essay. It was truly engaging. The manner of composition was also put-together, making the content easy to digest. Keep this up! Your writing is clear and clean - both traits that are often difficult to master.

Primarily, my suggest would center around the manner that you build your content. From my observation of the writing, you lacked having a more distinguished approach. Try to be more specific when you are bringing readers into a single conclusion. While it is alright to add details to build the story, it would be helpful to be more straightforward with the direction of writing (ie. briefly mention the purpose of why this story is relevant).

Remember to cap your essay with more of a theoretical and value-based conclusion, especially because you are working with these types of content. It is essential that, before the concluding remarks, you have already stopped mentioning new details. Instead, the conclusion should be dedicated to logically linking all of the details together.


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