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Scholarship Questions - what are your intentions after graduating from school?

Hi, I'm writing some short paragraphs and essays for a scholarship application. I tried to be straightforward in addressing the prompt, but I will need other people's point of view on this. Especially if you are a general reader, will you get my point or should I be more elaborative and not too specific? Really appreciate your feedback on the content and grammar of my writings.

What are your plans when you finish your studies? (500 chars)

Upon returning, I plan to join the project team in Indonesia Infrastructure Finance, one of the government-owned Financial Institutions that act as an intermediary between investors and infrastructure developers. It has been my dream to implement my expertise in finance to assist the financing process of infrastructure projects. I intend to apply better financing products & project management, which I will learn from the study, to transform available infrastructure projects into impactful bankable pipelines that can be completed in a timely manner.

Hi vasillisia,

You can explain further related to your role, mention the company name you want tp join, why your country needs your position, give a clear reason and detail explanation.
Apr 21, 2017   #3
Stef, the opening sentence of your essay is a good foundation for the response. However, the rest of the essay does not really build upon that foundation. It would be best if you discuss your career plans instead of referring to your masters education instead. The question is actually asking you to refer to your short term career plan. So skip the second sentence and go directly to the third sentence, which is more in line with your future career plans or career movements. You don't need to use the full character requirement for your response. You can use only two completely developed and informative sentences to respond to the prompt. In fact, the reviewer will be appreciative of such a direct and short response as he has many more essays to read before his day is done. The short response will allow him to better and more quickly, consider your response to the prompt.

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