Hi all! This is a super rough draft of my first (of eight) GMS essays. I would love some feedback on the overall tone of the essay, if it is too confusing or if it gets the message across, organization, and anything else would be helpful. Thanks a bunch! While I cannot guarantee that I will look over your essays by today (I have 7 more essays to go before the deadline at 11:59 tonight), I will try my best to provide feedback by the end of the week.
Essay 19: Discuss the subjects in which you excel or have excelled. To what factors do you attribute your success? - 7800 characters (including spaces); 1605 words.
It is Monday morning. At the sound of the bell, I lumber from homeroom to my first class of the day: AP Chemistry. Despite running on only five hours of sleep, I eagerly await the lesson to begin. This is my second year taking chemistry. I am the fourth person in my family to fall under the tutelage of Mr. Huie, whom the class affectionately refers to as just Huie. I am also the only person in my family to achieve a year-end average of an A in his class. Huie is notoriously known throughout my school as an Honor Roll executioner. In my eyes however, he is one of the finest teachers around. In one year I learned much about chemistry, and even more about myself.
The first thing any student of Huie, past and present, tends to point out when describing his class is his infamous mantra: "bring it on." These three simple words are used to express confidence in meeting a challenge. In Huie's class, this challenge takes the form of a quiz. When a student utters these words, they receive a quiz. Many avoid the combination of these words, fearing what follows. They don't understand the meaning behind it. The phrase signifies that a student has an intimate knowledge of what has been taught and is confident in their understanding of the material. By avoiding this phrase, students are passing up an opportunity to prove to Huie and, more importantly, themselves that they have what it takes to excel. Through Huie's class, I learned to appreciate this phrase. It is the basis of Huie's class, and has become my own personal mantra.
I attribute my success in chemistry in part to Huie himself. He truly cares about what he does and is invested in his students. While his class is usually lively with jokes and laughter, his teachings are always serious. He does not teach us chemistry, he teaches us how to learn. While many of my teachers utilize rigid pre-planned lessons and emphasize grades, Huie does the complete opposite. Students are encouraged to learn at a pace they are comfortable with. He would rather students fail first and learn later, than to cheat and pass and never learn at all. Students aren't required to maintain a binder for a grade, and they aren't reprimanded for not taking notes. Everything in Huie's class is optional, including the bring-it-on quizzes. In the end, it is up to the individual to figure out how they learn best and take advantage of it. This is what Huie has taught me. Through Huie's class I discovered my strengths and weaknesses, learned how to capitalize on them, and became a better student.
I am one of the students who rarely take notes in class. This is counter-intuitive for a student aiming to do well. Occasionally I do have to write down chunks of information that aren't easily digestible. However, I found that my grades improved significantly when I stopped fussing over catching every word Huie says on paper. I notice that many of my classmates don't understand what they are being taught the first time around. When called on, they usually have to take a minute to leaf through their notes to connect some dots. My hypothesis is that during lectures, they focus more on capturing the words being said than on capturing the meaning behind them. By forgoing taking notes, I am able to focus more on what is being taught and to quickly grasp the concept behind the lesson. I don't worry about forgetting details because everything I learn can be found in a book or online. Once a new concept sinks in, I find correlations between it and an already established piece of my knowledge. This is how I learn.
One of my greatest epiphanies was the moment I realized that everything is correlated. Concepts within chemistry, concepts in math, moments in history, moments in my life. After this epiphany, everything I learned broadened my understanding of the world. When I learned that gasses condense in colder temperatures, those funny-looking ghosts coming out of my mouth during winter finally made sense. Everything is related. Chemistry is like solving a detective case; I have to use every little bit of information given to me as well as background knowledge in order to solve problems. Everything I learn builds on what I've previously learned. My understanding of chemistry isn't linear, but rather it is a web of interconnected ideas. This is how I excel.
The bell rings. I pack up and head for my next class. I leave chemistry class with new knowledge, and with an understanding of myself as a student. Although I won't receive a quiz in English, I am ready to say "bring it on" to whatever challenge my teacher plans on throwing my way.
Just because they give you 7800 characters does not mean you had to use up as much as you could. I think you could have saved yourself a lot of time by getting straight to the point with short responses, maybe with 2-3 paragraph each answering the prompt, especially with the deadline being so close.
These three simple words are used to express confidence in meeting a challenge
lumber from homeroom to my first class of the day: AP Chemistry. Despite running on only five hours of sleep, I eagerly await the lesson to begin.
lumber and wait eagerly, they kind of contrast, but it works. it makes me curious: why are you running on 5 hours sleep when it's a monday?
i like your style, but agree with what mureille said. there's some parts that seem unnecessary and a tad repetitive.
check my "Community's Needs" essay please.
