We all realized that we were having the same issue; Gates Millennium Scholarship

Topic: Briefly describe a situation in which you felt that you or others were treated unfairly or not given the opportunity you felt you deserved.

I came home from school one Thursday afternoon and began my homework as usual. Around a quarter passed six my mother answered a phone to an automated voice message from my school informing her that I had been absent that day. My mom called me over with a look of concern on her face. She informed me of the call. I had no idea what she was speaking of; I had been in school that whole day. I immediately ran to my room collected the notes I took in class that day and the assignments I worked on to show her I've been in school. For as long as 3 weeks these calls became more frequent and soon began to happen every day. I asked around school and found out I wasn't the only one that this was happening to. I had a conversation in my English class with my fellow classmate Cheyenna who is a transfer student from Germany. She told me she wasn't able to get her American license because she had to be in school for thirty consecutive days but she kept getting the absentee calls and didn't know how to fix it. Joshua, another one of my classmates who overheard our conversation mentioned that he, like me, was in danger of losing his perfect attendance award also due to the absentee calls. We all realized that we were having the same issue, and figured if there were probably more students having this same issue. Something had to be done about it.

When I got home that afternoon, I asked my mother to set up a meeting with our Dean of Attendance Ms. Gables. A meeting was set for the following week to see how we can work together to find a solution. The day of the meeting I brought in all my homework and class work that corresponded to the dates I've been marked absent as proof to show her I've been in class. Ms. Gables looked over my work and pulled up my grades on the computer. She showed me that I had been currently maintaining straight A's in all my classes; she also told me with my grades it wouldn't be possible if I really had missed all those days. She showed me an example of a student who did skip class frequently, and the persons grades were the complete opposite of mine. This was a problem that had to be solved immediately. Mrs. Gables cleared all my absences for me because she realized it was all a misunderstanding. Mrs. Gables also expressed to me that I was concerned about my attendance and brought the problem to their attention.

After further investigation, the administration found out simple mistakes were being made such as teachers not taking attendance causing the whole class to be marked absent, marking the incorrect name absent, and sometimes system malfunctions make the call for no reason at all. From that day forward everyone saw a decrease in absentee calls. Soon after they changed the system and now it notifies you on specifically what period you have missed. Bringing the problem of the absentee calls to the attention of the attendance dean, Mrs. Gables, helped to solve the problem not only for me but the entire student body.

I think your essay is good. It's discriptive of the situation but not to much. Good job! I think it will work.

In school I came to know that this same call had approached the homes of some other students too.


... I feel you are too descriptive with the first part.
My fellow classmate Cheyenna who is a transfer student from Germany said that her American licence was turned down by school because she didn't have the attendance of thirty consecutive days. However, she too had been a victim of this absentee calls and she had no idea of how to fix it.