my reply is
If you study history, you will find that all stories of great success are also stories of persisting through failure and triumph over adversity. But often we overlook the setbacks and only see the end success. We think the person got lucky: "He/she must have been at the right place at the right time." Or maybe they were just really smart, talented or well connected. But that's all bunk. While it may have been a little bit of each, what ultimately led to their success was their refusal to allow their setbacks and failures to define them.
Basically, I have my dream and I know that, this is the time to make the dreams reality. Applying for MasterCard scholars program at the University of Toronto is the way to my dreams so as a human being it will pose huge pain to me when I will fail to get this scholarship because I always dedicated to anything I do in my life. But actually it happens that sometimes people fail, myself I don't call this as a failure but the failure is to give up or to quench in the way to your target therefore failure to receive MasterCard scholarship, it won't stop me chasing my dream. I live in a rural area with my step mother. My mother is very poor and honestly she can't provide any financial support for me to pursue higher education. Due to this situation, it will be difficult to attend any university in Tanzania because the tuition fee is higher for me to afford. For long time, computer engineering has been my dream. I must enroll to Tanzanian institutions for computer engineering to have a kick start in computer manufacturing in Tanzania. I am now teaching tuition in science and I have bought 10 chickens and two goats for which I am sure if business will go as I have planned, I will get enough for me to start college. In 2017, I will start my program to help an economical marginalized students like me to attend school.
I think this is a very good essay. There are a few words and commas missing. You also have a few run on sentences you should fix. You should also transition into your situation at home more because it changes the topic. Overall though I think it is very good and good luck on your future!
Michael, the prompt was meant to test your sense of resiliency in the face of failure and adversity. Rather than depicting a strong character that will move on with his life and try to devise more ways to attend college, you opted to play the pity card and depict how you cannot enroll in college without the scholarship. That is not the correct response to this type of essay topic.
Your response at the end, about how you are now a science instructor who owns 10 chickens and 2 goats is the perfect response to his essay. Discuss how you know that getting a scholarship is never a sure thing, even for a person with the best of credentials, which is why, even though you applied for a scholarship, you decided to prepare a back up plan in case you don't get the tuition sponsorship. It is important to show the reviewer from the very start of the essay that you are prepared for any eventuality and that their gift of helping you with your tuition fee will be appreciated but not expected.
Let them know that your desire to attend college and the ability to do so will not hinge on the scholarship. That is going to impress the reviewer because you have shown your ability to expect the unexpected and make preparations for a future that could face difficulties. Just erase the current beginning that sounds more like you are already complaining about having lost the scholarship and the unfairness of life. You need to show the reviewer that you understand how life isn't fair, but it does not dictate how your future will go. Just because things don't go according to your prior plan does not mean that you have to throw your future away.
Michael, honestly, the essay is quiet weak.
Your answer to the prompt is more like out of self pity and not out of determination
to succeed, the question is meant for you to showcase a critical thinking nature, what if?, is
the key word and this should not lead you to thinking that you didn't make it to the program,
it's that piece of the puzzle that they're looking for, for you to show your strength in circumstances other than the ordinary.
What you wrote here in the essay is a narrative of what a person whose having self pity is doing, so I suggest that you
re-write your essay, head high and justify what the prompt is asking you to write. If it will help at all,
reflect on an instance and possibilities, if not the MasterCard Foundation, what would you do.
Keep your essay straight forward, direct to the point and precisely well written, nevertheless, keep your essay strong all through out.
