A relationship between Mexican and Korean culture - GKS Undergraduate Personal Statement

Hi, I would really appreciate it if you could give me feedback about my personal statement. It fits about 1 1/2 pages out of the 2 max.
These are the requirements.

Instructions: Please type in Korean or in English. The essay must be single spaced within TWO page, with the font Times New Roman, size 11. (*11 points) The essay should include the following things.

- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Family and Education background
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you

- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc.

PERSONAL STATEMENT

Since I was born in Acapulco, Mexico, which is a place that attracts many tourists, I've always been surrounded by a variety of cultures. We should also add that my father is a tour guide who works with non-English speakers, which helped me since I was little to be involved in this environment, where I used to join my father to his work and I had the opportunity of meeting people from around the world and they always talked about their country and culture. This also gave me the opportunity of learning English from a very young age, because my father had to learn it in order to be able to work, this the reason being for him to always prioritize studies since for him it's an important thing if we want to excel. Growing up with that idea, attending to a good university has always been a priority for me, that's why during my school year I dedicated myself to study to obtain outstanding grades, and this why I obtained a second-place recognition award in the 2019-2020 academic year due to my academic excellence in the year.

Throughout my childhood and teenage years, I always wonder how it was that the things around were created going from a simple chair o fridge, how they got to be what they are and how they fulfilled their function; But I didn't discover it until I started to have an interest in drawing and art in general, during that time my love for art was growing I developed skills in this area. While doing my research about related fields I discovered Industrial Design and this was the time where I decided that this was the major I wanted to pursue. When I told my parents about it at first they were really surprised since it was never in my plan studying something that was related to this but father all they supported me. Later in high school, I decided to choose Design as my elective class and this was really helpful because it helped me to develop my skills even more and my creativity started to expand, this class was also important for me because I started to see things differently and I realized that even the smallest thing is there for a reason and it's fulfilling its function, I also had the opportunity to have teamwork and to be able to grow in that area, this because in this class almost every project was in teams and this also prepared me to work in a team environment and to be able to leave my shyness aside and that's why now I'm more confident in giving my opinion.

A year ago a friend had the opportunity to travel to some Asian countries including South Korea, upon her arrival she told us about her experience and this is how South Korea came onto my life, although with the ongoing growth of the Hallyu I'd never had another contact with Korea after she talked about it with us I did my research about the county and was really impressed by the development the country obtained in a very short time, while I was reading different articles I found that many researchers found that one of the reasons for the country to had this growth was the continuous and great investment they do in education. With this, I began to investigate the possibility of studying in the country and that's how I found this scholarship.

Another reason why I'm interested in studying in Korea, as I already mentioned before Korea has had a great development in the industry, another reason for this was due to the limitations that the country has of natural resources and its geographical limitations, which led to having a focus on the technology field in which my main interest is, with the innovation and development that the country is experiencing, positioning itself as one of the countries with the largest industries in the world and big companies such as Samsung and LG, I believe that the knowledge Korea would provide me would help me to develop my skills as a future designer.

Knowing more about the country I found a lot of information about Korean art I'm fascinated by it, I hope to have the opportunity to know it more in-depth; also recently I started to listen to Korean music, even though Kpop is very well known worldwide I don't consider myself a fan more than a casual listener, in fact, I don't usually listen to pop in English or Spanish, my favorite type of music is ballads and alternative music, as I mentioned I began to listen to various Korean artists and I found out I actually like it.

I also want to be able to create a relationship between Mexican and Korean culture, to leave aside the stereotypes that are held of the two countries and therefore be able to teach the wonderful things that my country has, as well as I can immerse myself into the Korean culture with an open mind and learn their traditions and its culture in general in the most respectful and beneficial way for both parties.

I appreciate very much that you consider my application, studying with this scholarship would be a great opportunity.

Your essay is weak in the sense that you do not have a representation of the following information:

- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you

- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc.

Since you failed to represent the last 3 parts of the essay, your application is not strong. A reference to a friend who went to Korea and Hallyu, even the mention of Samsung and LG are not enough to cover for the fact that you lack the academic and social achievements required by the scholarship of their candidates. You must work on properly representing those information if you are to have a better chance at passing the first round of considerations.