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My research about about Australia Awards Scholarship, what led me to this institution

flykitten 5 / 9 4  
Apr 22, 2017   #1
Dear folks, I am applying for Australian Awards Scholarship. There are 4 essay questions to complete the application and every essay limited to 400 words.
This is the first essay. Please kindly give your suggestions for grammar, content, word choice, or anything that you would notice.
Your comment is worth a million! Thanks in advance.

'How did you choose your proposed course and institution?'

I am applying for Master in Civil and Environmental Engineering. Starting from my freshman year, I have the vision to be a lecturer specialized in structures or geotechnics in this major. Since I realize that geotechnical knowledge is inevitably needed for engineers who want to build constructions in various areas along with the different soil condition. Therefore, I have a great interest to gain a deep knowledge in soil investigation methods, ground improvement & monitoring techniques, and other related subjects to use the knowledge as the basis to construct a firm building on top of the soil. Hence, I believe this major would give me the profound understanding, academic and practical experiences that would prepare me to assume a specialty in the field of Civil Engineering teaching.

During my undergraduate study, I have taken courses concentrated in structures and geotechnics areas such as Numerical Analysis in Geotechnics, Soil Improvement Technics, Advance Concrete Structures, and Advance Steel Structures. I also started to develop my teaching skills by being the assistant in several courses. Moreover, after the completion of my bachelor thesis, I directly submitted my research's abstract in the international conference on construction and building and another national conference arranged by Sriwijaya University. As I fully understand that publication is immensely important for a future lecture. The committee currently has reviewed and accepted the abstract I submitted and I am in the process to submit the research journal. Besides, I have been improving my global awareness by attending conferences in different fields. I strongly believe that all these experiences are connected one another, preparing myself to fulfill the responsibilities in my future study and career.

Starting from my senior year, I diligently searching information about Australia Awards Scholarship. I am eager to apply Master of Civil Engineering in University of New South Wales. I choose UNSW after doing research on every university incorporated in the Group 8. I studied the type of postgraduate degree offered, major and its world rank, course and syllabus, including the university's excellence that I cannot find in Indonesia. I then did some discussion about my university choice to Indonesian students who is studying in Australia and my academic adviser. In conclusion, I am confident studying a master degree in Civil Engineering at UNSW is the perfect way to realizing my goal as a professional lecturer.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,197 3645  
Apr 22, 2017   #2
Putri, you are being asked to present your academic background in this essay. Rather, you are to give a short summary of what your current professional obstacles, lack of training, or problems are, which directly relate to your interest in this masters degree. These are the platforms or criteria that helped you choose this proposed course to enroll in. Due to your incorrect first response, you failed to offer a reason as to why you chose to enroll in a specific university as well. Do you have a masters course and university in mind to apply to? If so, why did you not discuss those in response to these prompt requirements? If it is due to a lack of professional experience, then you will have a problem gaining the reviewer's attention because a majority of the applicants have professional backgrounds assisting their application. If it was just an oversight or misunderstanding of the prompt on your part, then I hope my explanation clarified things for you and you will now be able to write a more accurate response statement for the prompt.

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