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Scholarship Response about education barriers


LourHarb 1 / 1  
Mar 26, 2018   #1
What kind of challenges or barriers have you overcome in order to pursue your education?

education obstacles in Palestine



As a female student who comes from the occupied territory of Palestine, I have faced many obstacles in pursuing my education. Living under a foreign military occupation had a defining impact on my life at a young age. The separation wall, a 26 ft concrete barrier with surveillance equipment and sniper towers, had severely restricted our movements, making me feel trapped; I was growing up in a cage. At the age of 10, I was denied entrance into Jerusalem until eligible for an ID, which I would receive when I turned sixteen. As a result of such distress, I had no aspirations, dreams or goals. I blamed the wall for everything that went wrong in life. My parents were under tremendous pressure, juggling two jobs and three kids, to get us out of the distress and occupation. At the age of 11, my family and I had the blissful, yet rare opportunity to migrate to the United States. The instant culture shock of the welcoming environment, coupled with abundant educational opportunities, helped me gain a new perspective on life. From then on, I've made it my goal to push myself and work harder and never to place myself in a situation where I have nothing to look forward to. Looking over my journey, I regret letting a wall shape my personality at a young age. But I have come to realize that the wall, although a barrier, made me stronger and more determined. I finished middle school in Tennessee with a GPA of 3.7. I then Graduated high school in Virginia with an advanced diploma and an unweighted GPA of 3.5. And most recently, I completed my first semester of college with a GPA of 4.0. With the opportunity of migrating to the United States, I had been able to overcome the lack of motivation I had previously felt. From then onwards, I have challenged myself every day to succeed in order to contribute to my community both in Palestine and the United States.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4773  
Mar 29, 2018   #2
Lour, the last part about the accomplishments that you have had since your arrival in the United States is not really a requirement at this point. The idea is to speak more of how the move shaped you on a personal, rather than academic basis. This is because the wall was something that prevented you from experiencing a personal development. The education aspect may also be an element, however, it did not carry the same preventive impact upon your personality. Maybe you focused more on the personal impact of the wall in your discussion rather than presenting a balanced discussion of why the wall prevented you from dreaming. After all, at the age of 16 you would have gotten the ID and then gone on to further your education right? So why was the wall an obstacle to your education? Try to develop that idea more because, from your explanation, you were the only one preventing your personal and academic development by being bias about the wall.
OP LourHarb 1 / 1  
Apr 1, 2018   #3
As a female student who comes from an occupied country, I have faced many obstacles in pursuing my education. Living under a foreign military occupation had a defining impact on my life at a young age. The limited educational opportunities forced me to cross the separation wall and travel long distances.The separation wall, a 26 ft concrete barrier ...
gultom - / 1  
Apr 5, 2018   #4
I agree with holt, I think your essay is too political. You should be careful to write a tendentious essay like this, because not necessarily the scholarship committee will agree with your politics. You said that after the age of 16 you will get an ID card to go to Jerusalem, where more educational opportunities there, it shows that the wall you think is holding you back is not entirely true. You too show your emotions rather than write things hamper your education. It is not a good thing to be presented in an essay for scholarships, where members of the scholarship committee have different backgrounds. Try to write something that inspires others rather than blaming a certain group of people for your misfortune.


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