Hello, I'm applying to a Chevening scholarship and would like some feedback on my essays
Chevening is looking for individuals that will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.
(minimum word count: 50 words, maximum word count: 500 words)
I was born in a family where love, affection, culture and education, were always emphasized upon and the most respectable issue I learned when I was young is my parents valuable advises " We each have the responsibility of leadership and everyone must Strive for excellence . This strong words have led me to make great efforts to achieve anything in my life.
My first leadership experience came from being Heath Project Officer in (GHF). I responsible from developing and implementation of a plan to training and building capacity program as part of largest and most comprehensive recovery programmer( RRP) in my country, which managed by UNDP on behalf of the Government of National Unity and the Government of country . The aim of this training program is to enhance the capability of medical assistant and promoters healthier with the aim of building capacity in the health sector in order to provide quality health services to their communities, to educate rural communities and the dissemination of health culture on the villages.
Under my supervision and my team, we succeeded to achieve for 15 medical assistant and 76 promoters healthier I learn that Teamwork can be vital to a successful project. As an important member of the project team, I maintain excellent relationships with my colleagues, checking that everyone understands tasks and is able to complete them on time. Be alert to any personal or professional problems arising on the team, helping to solve them where possible and alerting the project manager if they endanger the project.
This work experience with national and international organizations made me realize that leadership is not doing everything by your own, but rather influencing or motivating group of people and choosing the right group to do the job.
Currently, in my position as head of department at university responsible for carrying out teaching and research duties. I supervised and motivated my team of 7 employees ,I hired, and evaluated, the performance of staff in the department. In addition I dealing with 119 students from across different social and cultural backgrounds and from across different countries. I introduce modern teaching methods such as case study method Team teaching to inspire and motivate the students for higher level qualifications support & improve the instructional environment. Furthermore, I have developed a training framework which includes a range of learning and development opportunities for my staff .
Regarding research duties, we Performed high quality research and analysis, including teaching courses and supervising students in their academic assignment and research work. Advised and supervised students in their research work and complex assignments. In the last three years more than 30 students graduated from our Specialization, having levels of knowledge and science made them now serving in fabulous centers in our country.
"I responsible from developing ..."
I was responsible from developing to implementing a training and building capacity program. This program is part of (your country name)'s largest and most comprehensive recovery program, managed by UNDP on behalf of the Government of National Unity and the government of country.
"The aim of this training program ..."
The aim of this training program is to provide quality health services by enhancing the skills of medical assistants and health promoters (?) when educating rural communities about the dissemination of health culture in villages. (I don't know really understand the original sentence so I'm not sure if I changed around the meaning of what you were trying to say. If I did change the meaning, disregard this "correction"!)
I wish I could help out more but I don't have the time right now, so here are two sentences I believe can be corrected and written differently!
- were always emphasized upon and the
- most respectable issuevaluable lesson I learned
- My first leadership experience came from being Heal th Project
- I'm responsible
- we succeeded to achieve foron getting
- 15 medical assistant and 76 promoters healthier
- Currently, in myMy current position as
- the head of the department
- at the university,
- I am responsible for carrying
- I hired, and evaluated, the performance of staff in the department.
- RegardingWith regards to research duties,
- we Performedperform high quality
Sahare, to tell you honestly, I'm not that confident with your essay.
I believe you could've done more in your essay than this one, I made a few remarks on your essay and I hope it helped.
What I would suggest in reference to your revision, write some steps you have taken that lead to influencing students to push farther and aim higher, I believe this will help a lot.
I wish to see your revised paper here on EF so we can help you further.
