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Can you review this letter of intent for a graduate program in public administration/policy

Ada1992 1 / 1  
Oct 9, 2017   #1

African leaders of tomorrow scholarship

My name is Ogbonna Chidimma Gloria Adaobi, a graduate of economics from Nnamdi Azikiwe University, Awka, Nigeria. I am writing to express my interest in the African leaders of tomorrow scholarship award to study public administration or public policy in one of Canada's prestigious universities. My academic record combined with my experience and volunteer activities makes me an excellent candidate for this award.

I have always believed in hard work and always looked for opportunities to improve myself as well as others around. After my secondary education, I studied computer programming for a period of one year and on completion I got a job with the same school to work as a computer tutor for a period of two years before I proceeded to my undergraduate degree. During my undergraduate period I worked as an editor for a period of one year for the policy analysis and research forum, which aims at analyzing government policies and its implications in the short and long run. Although I learnt a lot working in this academic organization, I sometimes feel helpless that the organization cannot really influence government decision or its administration; it can only publish its criticisms in journals and articles. I wished for an opportunity to be able to influence decisions or even be part of its making and administration but without the right education, skill and knowledge which can be acquired through proper education I probably wouldn't be so different from the current administrators and policy makers. Being a member of the Rotaract organization, I initiated and participated in so many community outreach programs like hospital visits, voluntary teaching to students who cant afford to go school as well as donation of books to these students etc.

My career goals include but not limited to being able to work either by appointment or employment as a policy maker or public administrator in the public sector of my country and if given that opportunity I plan to be one of the key figures in my country to bring positive change to my countries future through good policy making and implementation. I also plan to write books that will address issues with regards to policy and administration in developing nations taking into consideration the particular needs, challenges and demands of its environment.

A quick comparison between the developed and undeveloped nation would show that the problem of undeveloped/developing nation can be largely attributed to bad leadership and one would argue that in this period what we need are good policy makers and administrators who are properly educated and possess the skill to channel their education and knowledge to the positive advancement of the nation and its people. Although currently we can boast of some policy makers and public administrators who understand their job and possess the necessary skills, yet this number is small compared to the incompetent ones.

Therefore when I saw the ALT scholarship program online, I knew that this is my opportunity to acquire the type of education that I sought for. I believe that the African leaders scholarship in Canada is not just an opportunity to get the world-class education, skill and knowledge that I desire but a degree from one of the prestigious university in Canada will go a long way in shooting me up the career ladder. I believe in the value of education and I believe that its even more valuable when acquired and used in the service of one's community or nation, which is what I plan to do if given this opportunity.

Receiving this award will be a dream come through for me and I hope you will see my desire to acquire a world-class education not just for my career advancement but also for the betterment of my nation and consider me for this scholarship award.

Ogbonna chidimma Gloria adaobi

Shukla Saab 2 / 2 3  
Oct 9, 2017   #2
Hello Ogbonna,
It's good that you want yourself to contribute towards the well paced development of your country by means of better and effective policies and I think that Canada is just the right country for you to raise your dreams and aspirations.

I think that you are successful in describing your emotions and objectives of life to the readers, but you should know that only emotions will not let you sail through the scholarship easily. I don't have much time for this, but i will try to help you improve your Letter of Content. There are many unavoidable mistakes as follows -

1. Instead of writing I am writing to express my interest ..., you should write 'I am writing this Letter of Intent to prove my candidateship for the African Leaders of Tomorrow Scholarship Program'.

2. Write 'After completing my secondary education' instead of After my secondary education in the third line of second paragraph.
3. Use 'many ' in place of 'so many' in the last fourth line of second paragraph.
4. Omit 'Include but' and use 'are' in the first line of third paragraph and 'there' in place of 'this' in the second last line of fourth paragraph.

5. Use 'I started taking this as an opportunity' in place of I knew that this is my opportunity in the second line and similarly write 'know' in place of 'believe in' in the last fifth line of last second paragraph.

6. Use 'true' in place of through in the first line, similarly use 'understand' in place of see in the second line and 'program' in place of award in the last line of last paragraph.

Hope this helps.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,149 2303  
Oct 10, 2017   #3
Ogbonna, the letter of intent is only meant to be a cover letter, not an intricate description of your qualifications as a scholar student. You must revise the letter to be only an overview of the important documents that you will be submitting and information that the reviewer should take note of while looking over your application and documents. Basically, you only need to tell the reviewer that you are a college graduate, what that college degree is in, where you studied it, what your current profession is and how that relates to the masters degree you now wish to study. It should not be more than 4-5 paragraphs at the most. Your letter is highly intricate but does not deliver the required summary of information that would qualify it as a letter of intent. As the term indicates, the letter must include a reference to the "purpose" of your study. That is the "intent" referred to. A summary of the purpose will suffice as you are to discuss that in greater detail once you begin work on your Statement of Purpose essay. As of now, This letter does not really focus on a clear intention for your studies so I do not believe it will make for an effective letter of intent. There are examples of the letter of intent letter at this forum and online. I suggest you look at the samples and revise your essay based on what you will be learning from the samples.

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