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"Role in America" (advice,opinions, suggestions needed)


Luvdance16 5 / 12  
Mar 2, 2010   #1
Criteria
Focus: Role in the America of tomorrow
criteria-spelling, grammar, organization, adherence to topic

"My Role in the America of Tomorrow"
My goal stemmed from" I, Too, Sing America;" in the final line, Langston Hughes boldly remarked " I, too, am America." He knew that those who made differences in this country had the gifts of wisdom, confidence, and a desire to accomplish goals that many deemed either impossible or trivial. It stemmed from understanding that I had a purpose in the future of my country- a purpose that summoned me to advise people through teaching, mediating, and counseling.

It was Saturday morning. "Kwame and Adwoa, it's time for school," I called out to my siblings. Annoyed that I had awoken them, they looked at me as if I had lost my mind. "But it's Saturday," they complained. I couldn't help it though; I loved to pretend to be their teacher. I had lesson plans laid out, flash cards, stickers, and most importantly the desire to educate them in hopes that the would experience a profound sense of academic enlightenment. Although I was only nine at the time, I had envisioned the day that I would be a leader and role model for young people. I had a gift. I am a teacher now and tomorrow.

"She started it!" my sister screamed. "No, she did!" my youngest sister retorted. As the eldest of four, I was constantly seeking ways to settle the continuous disputes between my siblings. Yet, I always knew the remedy- patience, understanding, and a diplomatic solution. Eventually I utilized my skills to restore friendships, relationships, and mend broken bonds. I eventually realized the meaning of being a Peacemaker, a recognition that I received every year in elementary. Each teacher saw in me what I obviously disregarded as simply being a little nice. They understood that I was the girl in the playground who made sure everyone got along, the girl in the classroom who worked well with my classmates, and the girl who would grow up one day and proudly declare- I am a mediator now and tomorrow.

Tapping into people's emotional needs and addressing their concerns by offering heartfelt advise is very fulfilling to me. I have a natural affinity for counseling people regardless of their circumstances. From my friends up to strangers, I willingly devote my attention and time to listening to each individual's story. Communicating with people on a personal level povides me with insight on existing problems such as drugs, divorce, alcohol, and self-esteem. I hope to eventually use what I gain though counseling to reduce these existing problems. I am a counselor now and tomorrow

As a senior I am prepared to step into a future of endless possibilities and
embrace the phrase, "I, too, am America." I know that my love for inspiring people will serve as my candle, lighting the positive differences that I hope to make in the lives of others.

EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Mar 3, 2010   #2
Nice essay, but I did find a few things;

I had lesson plans laid out, flash cards, stickers, and most importantly the desire to educate them in hopes that they would experience a profound sense of academic enlightenment. This is so great!

Although I was only nine at that time, I had envisioned the day...

I eventually realized the meaning of being a Peacemaker, a recognition that I received every year in elementary school.

From my friends up to strangers, I willingly devote my attention and time to listening to each individual's story.

Communicating with people on a personal level,provides me with insight on existing...

I know that my love for inspiring people, will serve as my candle, lighting the positive differences that I hope to make in the lives of others.
OP Luvdance16 5 / 12  
Mar 3, 2010   #3
Thank You so much for the corrections. I appreciate it


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