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I saw various doctors in the news coverage of the conflicts in Europe and Middle East


mhamdan 1 / 1  
Mar 14, 2015   #1
Hello, so the prompt is described below, I just needed general thoughts and ways I can make it better and see if it is ambitious enough. Thank you!

Prompt: Please provide a statement detailing your interest in MSMP, your commitment to completing a college education, and your interest in a career in medicine.

Medicine is a highly evolving field, and through which doctors have attained an essential evolutionary role in the society, not only working on individual basis but on a broader long term betterment for the society. My interest in medicine rose when I saw various doctors in the news coverage of the conflicts in Europe and Middle East. All were in intense situations, but they were generous in their help, inclusive and caring to everyone. This is what really drew me towards medicine, it is one thing that connects all people from different backgrounds, despite all the differences, for a unified goal that serves a noble purpose. This is what doctors do across the globe; they have the capacity to attend people's adversities and courage to aid them through their journey. After I graduate, I plan on getting an MD/MPH education with focus on global health. As a young migrant student in the U.S., I feel I can truly contribute to this field. This dual degree will enable me to provide medical care for individuals for a period of time, and at the same time provide what that population needs to prospectively sustain it.

Education, first and foremost, is invaluable; and college in particular is a truly challenging and cultivating experience at once that not all people are fortunate enough to be able to attend. My college education with all its components is important to me and I am committed to it, from classroom education, volunteering, engaging in university programs, to challenging career experiences; all of these parts allow me to grow and learn personal experience that enriches my over all education. I am committed to completing my college education because it is a stepping-stone to me as a female, an opportunity that my mother did not have growing up. After completing my college application I will be able to apply my gained knowledge to practical purposes use it in and through my years in medical school. It will allow me to access many doors and opportunities that I would not have been to otherwise. I am committed to completing my college education, as it is a great accomplishment, but most importantly is a first solid step towards greater endeavors.

The MSMP program substantial its entirety is and complete that any student can truly learn and gain great benefit from. I am looking forward in particular to the immersive and complete medical experience that MSMP offers to students. It will give me a clinical experience in a realistic medical school setting, and guide me in the medical application process. UTMB is Texas's first medical in Texas and I am definite that no other program can provide a better support in preparing for medical school. Attending this program will allow me to explore the MD/MPH program that UTMB offers. Last but no least, I am interested in MSMP because it will allow me to go to a place I have never to before, and learn from individuals who I would not been able to learn from were not for this generous opportunity.

sumitsadawarti 2 / 7 2  
Mar 15, 2015   #2
I suggest changing the first paragraph to something more personal, something revealing about your personality. Why don't you focus on one moment/incident and describe how it made you feel. For example- When you saw those doctors on the news, what was your first reaction? How did it make you feel? Why did you feel like reaching your hand out to help others?

Otherwise your essay is nicely written. Work on the first paragraph. the adcoms won't be interested in 'Medicine is a highly evolving field.'
andi_83 - / 9 5  
Mar 16, 2015   #3
My suggestion would be that you include a few sentences in the first paragraph that describe your connection with the science of medicine.
Are you willing to pursue a career in medicine only for the betterment of society? Of course this is a good reason, however the reader would like to know why you think you would be successful in this field.

Lets say : Since primary school I had a great interest in biology and chemistry... I participated at the biology competition in high school...
Or anything else that would add value to your curriculum as a candidate to this college.

UTMB is Texas's first medical in Texas and I am definite that no other program can provide a better support in preparing for medical school.

At the last paragraph you can mention what information you have acquired about this program of studies, ex. how it is structured, what are the main courses. I think this will help you in your application because it shows that you have done your research, analysed it carefully and it fits your needs.

Good luck!
OP mhamdan 1 / 1  
Mar 16, 2015   #4
Thank you so much! I will try to add what you suggested!
lynzee22 - / 90 37  
Mar 17, 2015   #5
After completing my college applicationeducation? I will be able to apply my gained knowledge to practical purposes use it in and through my years in medical school.

You say, "I am committed to completing my college education" a few times. Change the wording so it is not reduntant.

Last but no least, I am interested in MSMP because it will allow me to go to a place I have never tobeen before, and learn from individuals who I would not been able to learn from were not for this generous opportunity.

This is a very well written essay. Great job! I hope you get into this university.
I have given some suggestions above. Overall you did a great job, but there were just some word choice options that needed fixing.
Also, be careful with using phrases multiple times. Sometimes you are a little redundant.
Hope this helped.


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