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Scholarship essay on self reference in third person. (300 words)


lobodobo 2 / 4 1  
Nov 29, 2020   #1

reference letter



The full question is- "The students who are nominated for the ____ International Scholarship are students who have demonstrated exceptional academic achievement and creativity, who are accepted as leaders within their school, and who have the potential to contribute to the global community in the future. They can be distinguished from other students who may have equally high academic results by virtue of their breadth of interest, intellectual energy and impact on the life of their school and community.

Write a letter of reference for yourself in the third person describing how the applicant (you) meets these criteria. The letter should refer to the specific achievements and experiences. It may also comment on any weaknesses. (300 word maximum)
"

My answer is- "Kushagra is definitely a leader at heart. He has fantastic people skills and makes sure he achieves what he has sought out to do. This is the reason he maintained the highest post available for his age group for every year he was eligible to be in the student council including becoming the house captain with more than 80% of the votes. He was also the leader of our computer club which went on to win a state-level ethical hacking competition. Kushagra is a person that is not afraid to face difficult tasks and rather, he immediately starts thinking about how to overcome them. This has been demonstrated multiple times while organising school events with a tight budget and schedule. One such event that comes to mind was our teachers day celebration. Where we, unfortunately, had to scrap a major part of the event one day before the event but Kushagra took charge and diligently worked the entire day and organised multiple games and events for our special occasion.

Furthermore, he is also our Campus Ambassador. Meaning he represents our entire campus for ______. His responsibilities include advising our students on academic matters often involving international studies and carrying out administrative roles during university webinars. Other than that, Kushagra is also an invaluable member of our football and swimming team. His teamwork led our school to state-level competitions. He has also won multiple medals in track and field sports.

Kushagra is undoubtedly academically capable. He has consistently been first in class since middle school. He scored 6 A's and A* in IGCSE, 4A's in As Level and is predicted all A's in A-Level too. This definitely makes him a strong role model among junior students and we believe he will thrive in such roles in the future too."

The questions asks us to write about specific achievements so I've tried to write a lot of them. This is a rather competitive scholarship so I really want to do well in this. Please inform me about incorrect grammar, word choice and punctuations too if you can. Thanks!

This essay requires more effort; please contact us at essayforum.com@gmail.com to request private services, thank you.
hahasowhat 1 / 2  
Nov 30, 2020   #2
@lobodobo
Hi lobodobo. I think one way to make your letter stronger is by explaining how your achievements have helped you rather than just stating them. Also state any dreams you may have to help the global community. This will make you more well rounded and as a person who wants to leave his mark on the world. Explain one instance where you where creative, one where you want to help the global community and maybe three of your academic and leadership success. This will give more structure to your letter.
OP lobodobo 2 / 4 1  
Nov 30, 2020   #3
@hahasowhat
Oh, thanks for your response! I didn't mention any dream because this is a third-person essay and dreams are something personal. Also, can you tell me what being creative in this sense means? I for some reason am unable to what I need to write for that.

@Holt please provide your expertise here no matter how harsh. I would love to improve my essay.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Dec 1, 2020   #4
Try to reference your impact on your school and community. You are too focused on your accomplishments. There is a lack of balance in your presentation regarding what the reviewer needs to know about. You will not be accepted based on your academic accomplishments alone. You have to show the reviewer that you have a well balanced personality based on your personality and character traits alongside your academic accomplishments. This is not very effective as it deals with only one part of the overall reference requirements. There is no reference to the weakness, among other things. Review the requirements and revise the total essay. Make sure to balance the presentation based on topic requirements, not just what you want to highlight about yourself. That inaccurate focus is what will make the essay irrelevant to the examiner.

I will be unable to continue reviewing this essay for you unless you make this thread URGENT or hire our private services. I have only given an overview of the total problems that your essay actually contains.
Murtaza Ali 2 / 4 1  
Dec 2, 2020   #5
There is a lack of balance in your presentation regarding what the reviewer needs to know about. you should mention how your skills and achievements are synchronized with goals of program you are applying in.


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