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Semester at Sea 'global perspective' - a creative work and discuss its effect on you


hgrierson 8 / 11  
Mar 27, 2012   #1
Semester at Sea scholarship essay, I reaally need some money so if anyone could help me with suggestions for improvement on this that would be great! Thanks!

Prompt: Select a creative work - a novel, film, a poem, a musical piece, a painting or other work of art -- that has influenced the way you view the world and the way you view yourself. Discuss the work and its effect on you.

To be honest, my original plan was to begin this essay with a quote about music being the universal language. However, as I sit here to begin writing this essay about the most influential song in my life, it impossible to ignore that my personal connections to this song are much deeper than such an introduction would express. My father, Al Grierson, was a folk musician and passed away when I was ten. He wrote the song, called "Til the Circle is Complete", and sung it to me as a lullaby for years before recording it on an album when I was six. For me, this song is far more than a cherished memory of my father; it is a beautiful and inspiring message that moves to tears and has stuck with me throughout my life, helping shape my worldview and me as a person.

Though he drowned eleven years ago, my father lives on through his music, and all of his songs remind me to make the most of every day. The best example of the profound effect my father's music has on me is the chorus of "Til the Circle is Complete". Once I was old enough to understand his lyrics, they instilled in me the value of always living life to the fullest, perpetuated my love of lifelong learning, and inspired my confidence to pursue my dreams.

"May you never cease your growing, and your learning as you grow. May the things that you discover be the things you want to know." This is a line from the song's chorus that has become my lifelong motto, influencing me every day. I live by these words as I strive to make my life a continuous journey in which I am constantly learning and growing. Through my growth as a result of taking heed of these lyrics, I also discovered my passion for teaching, which I now consider my calling.

The lyric "May you gain in strength through sorrow, and may all your love be true," strikes a chord with me as I have found strength through my grief surrounding my father's passing. The second line, "may you turn your hand to something that you really want to do" is perhaps my single biggest influence in gaining the confidence to pursue my dream of teaching. Since I was a child myself, I have volunteered with children and loved watching them learn and explore their environments, but society's obsession with material possessions and wealth caused me to shy away from pursuing teaching for years. Instead, I planned to become a lawyer and started college as a pre-law student. After a year of being miserable, I listened to "Til the Circle is Complete" and heard that line again. Hearing my father's voice through the speakers, telling me pursue and discover things that brought me joy, gave me the courage and inspiration to follow my heart and change my major to Elementary Education.

While helping establish my deep love of learning and teaching, this song became the catalyst for my decision to step out of my comfort zone and apply for Semester at Sea. To be an optimally effective educator for all my future students, I need a culturally conscious, global perspective, and to gain that, I must to continue to grow and learn in new and meaningful ways, taking my education from the known to the unknown.

Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Mar 27, 2012   #2
To be honest, my original plan was to begin this essay with a quote about music being the universal language. However, as I sit here to begin writing this essay about the most influential song in my life, it impossible to ignore that my personal connections to this song are much deeper than such an introduction would express. My father, Al Grierson, was a folk musician and passed away when I was ten. He wrote the song, called "Til the Circle is Complete", and sung it to me as a lullaby for years before recording it on an album when I was six. For me, this song is far more than a cherished memory of my father; it is a beautiful and inspiring message that moves to tears and has stuck with me throughout my life, helping shape my worldview and me as a person.

I really like this, you have begun the essay nicely, and it is very interesting and unique. I think you should focus on your wording... Your first two sentences are kinda distracting from the major point, so maybe say those things in a different way. The 2nd sentence is too long, I would say these things but in a shorter, simpler way. I know you are trying to lead-in with a casual talking manner, and thats ok, but it needs to sound more clear, then it will be easier to read.


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