I want to show my values and make my essay better! [Global UGRAD Program]

Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program?
(Please answer in 400-600 words.)

UGRAD is the appropriate 'fire' for me

It is said that the mayfly is an extremely brainless animal in the world because they perpetually plunge into the light in defiance of pain and endangerment. Idiotically, I claim myself as a mayfly. In our life, everyone everlastingly pursue what they want but they never remain calm and comprehend what they need. Until the last moment, when they realize what they need to achieve, it is too late. I live, study and love like a mayfly, eternally venture into the radiant and infatuated fire but not to perish in it. And now, I am facing with a 'marvelous fire', UGRAD, where I can see the world beyond my culture and tradition; and far a half of the Earth from me. Honestly, I do not hesitate to struggle with it.

Why I compare myself as a mayfly? Born in an austere life, I was a destitute child who made my living when I was 8. At that time, I were both studying and washing dishes in a small diner. While other kids were still courting fondling from their parents, I must endure in silence. One year after, I switched in caddying at a stadium just hoping for gaining enough money to stay alive. One time, a ball rolled away into the street, unfortunately, a motorbike speeded at me and crashed into my body. The most dreadful is that I was temporary paralysis and suffered from dementia. Things were getting worse, no one consoled me and I felt self-pity then than ever. But what make me to be a mature individual like now? 'Fortitude!' I was like a mayfly that fight, fight and fight all the obstacles. Then, I attempted and became the most distinguished student in school that year. In the past, present and future, I am always persistent, self-motivated, calm and optimistic in all situations on the way of achieving my dreams.

"He is the amazing combination of academic and practical applications" is what Professor Hien told me as well as I recognized it as uniqueness and suitability for adapting UGRAD exchange program. After all of my academic and scientific application achievements, I strongly believe what we have learned must be applied in several fields of life and vice versa. For instance, being a member of Operating Center in the 5th ASEAN Beach Games (reality) helps me acquired and fitted in 10 different cultures of ASEAN country members (knowledge). If I was chosen in this program, I will teach those tasty national dishes and 10 beautiful ASEAN cultures (application) to promote understanding between people of the USA and other nations (knowledge) which is a sustainable foundation for me to create a multicultural club after that (application) to make culture connections stronger. Therefore, I am non-stop learning to care about our society, community interactions and breakthroughs by combinations which are essential and valuable factors in UGRAD exchange program.

Furthermore, a special passion which keeps me penetrates all circumstances and easily adapted in any environments or cultures is writing short-stories. My published life short-stories make readers and I find more motivations and meanings in life. This interest has made me have sympathies to be social and get along well with anyone in whatever situations. For sure this type of characteristic will make me fit in any environments in the USA and assist me get the best of it.

It is me - a mayfly that is always tenacious, self-motivated and adaptable; and a creative combination of academic and application. With those unique and precious factors, I believe UGRAD is the appropriate 'fire' for me to fight with and be developed after that.

Ngo, your essay speaks volumes about your passion and your background, but it does not really speak of why you are an excellent candidate for the UGRAD program until it reaches the part where you quote your professor, which by the way, it out of place in this essay. You are presenting very creative information in the essay and I can see why you are a good fiction writer, but that is not what this essay requires. It needs a direct to the point discussion of your skills, learning aptitude, and openness to other cultures and traditions. This is a formal discussion, not an essay for creative writing class. So hold back on the flowery words and just discuss, without beating around the bush, your character traits that you believe will make you a successful candidate for the program. Some of the topics you can discuss here is your ability to care for yourself overseas, your eagerness to share your culture with others and to learn from their culture as well. You need to be less dramatic and more serious in this discussion. Focus on your character, not on your adventures or the opinion of others about your ability to succeed in the program.

@Holt
Thank you so much. Is what I need to do now is change the paragraph 2 and rewrite other paragraphs in trend of proving my characters, my ability to care for myself overseas, my eagerness to share your culture with others and to learn from their culture?

Yes. That is exactly what you have to do in order to develop a more relevant response to the prompt. Make sure to revise the essay according to the suggestions so that you will not have to try to figure out what to change, what to keep, and how to revise certain points. I already gave you instructions for the revision. All you have to do is apply it. Remember. talk to the reviewer as if he is in front of you. So be clear and to the point. The flowery words are not necessary. This is one time that you need to just be understood instead of making the reviewer jump through hoops to figure out what you have to say. I am looking forward to the changes that you will be making. I am eager to review your essay. Hopefully it will be ready to use after this edit.