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Most significant endeavor since attending community college (Public Speaking)


Ziks_a 3 / 3 1  
Nov 29, 2015   #1
Describe your most significant endeavor since attending community college in which you applied your academic or intellectual skills learned through your community college education to benefit your school, community or society.

Public Speaking Class



In the summer of 2015, I had to make a persuasive presentation for my Public Speaking class. This was just after the first Republican Debate on Fox News and the presidential campaign cycle was in full swing, so I initially chose to speak on the coming elections and convince my classmates on the importance of voting. Though I am not an American citizen, I've always been fascinated by differences between Nigerian and American politics. Furthermore, my interest in the American electoral process grew even stronger during my American Government class the previous semester. However, after doing some preliminary research, I found out that Fairburn, the city in which my college campus is situated, had an upcoming city council election two weeks from the date of the proposed speech. I decided to switch gears and focus instead on the council elections.

I began my speech process by handing out questionnaires to my classmates to gauge how much they know or participate in their local politics. I found out that less than half of my classmates who were eligible to vote had actually voted in the presidential elections, even fewer had voted in the gubernatorial elections, and almost none had ever voted in local councils. Most of them thought that local government was irrelevant because it had no power to affect their daily lives. I tailored my speech to inform my classmates of the many roles and responsibilities of the local city council and ways to become more active in their community.

I gave my speech to about 25 students in my speech class, where it was well received by both the instructor and my classmates, but I still wanted to get my message out to a wider audience. As a member of the Student Government Association, I saw an opportunity to piggyback on an upcoming open-mic to make my address. I realized that a speech urging college students to go out and vote might seem out of place among poetry readings, freestyle raps and musical duets, but I knew that if I gave an engaging speech, people would listen.

On the day of the open-mic, about 80 students showed up to listen to the various presentations from students and staff. My speech went off without a hitch, and after I was done I fielded questions from students who wanted some more information. I do not know how many of those students actually attended their council meeting or voted in the November elections, but I would like to think that I encouraged maybe a few to take control of their future by participating in local politics.
dooD /  
Nov 29, 2015   #2
It is an interesting essay, but i'm unsure about your conclusion. To me i think your should describe about the purpose of this essay.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Nov 29, 2015   #3
Zikora, this is an essay that provided all of the necessary requirements of the prompt. The degree of difficulty was two-fold since you had to convince both your classmates and then some members of the student community to take your speech seriously. It is not easy to convince people to at least care about their local elections specifically because of the reasons that you stated. So you should really be proud that your open-mic speech went so well and people were asking you questions about the election. I do not doubt tha tyou were able to sway at least a couple of students to go out and vote in their local elections.

The essay comes across as strong once you get to the middle of it. The earlier part, the discussion that represented your choice between talking about the Republican debate / U.S. national elections, or the local elections is a negligible part that can be removed from the essay. Doing away with that part will actually make the essay more interesting since it will have a tendency to immediately grab the reader's attention within the first few sentences. Start off your essay with;

"In the summer of 2015, I had to make a persuasive presentation for my Public Speaking class. ...Though I am not an American citizen, I've always been fascinated by differences between Nigerian and American politics. Furthermore, my interest in the American electoral process grew even stronger during my American Government class the previous semester... I found out that Fairburn, the city in which my college campus is situated, had an upcoming city council election two weeks from the date of the proposed speech. I decided focus on the council elections. "

Immediately follow it up with the rest of the essay and you will be fine. I would love to proofread this response essay for you once you have finished the revision. You may wish to add some ideas to the essay which is why I am refraining from editing it first.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Nov 29, 2015   #4
Zikora, I read your essay and I believe it's done very well, the essay easily combined information and ideas
with a good flow, smooth transition towards the conclusion of the essay.

Speaking of conclusion, I'd like to enhance this part of the essay.

- My speech went off without a hitch, and after I wasas soon as I'm done
- I fieldedattend to the questions from students who
- I do notdon't know how many of
- those students actually attended their council
- but I would like to think that I encouraged maybe a fewstudents to take control

There you have it Zikora, I hope my insights on your essay helped.


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