Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Scholarship   % width Posts: 3

(Scholarship essay) Significant experience - student's impact on school and community

sky004 1 / 3  
Jan 13, 2020   #1
Hi everyone!
It would be great if you could give me feedback about this scholarship essay, Here is the prompt:

"Describe a personal life experience that has had particular significance for you and highlight the reason(s) it was significant, whether it had an impact on others, and any insights or understandings you gained from it. (800 word maximum)"

inclination to serve my community

As soon as my feet landed on the 1st floor, I found myself in front of a computer lab which at first glance seemed like an ordinary one. However, not so ordinarily, I was able to identify a woman well beyond her fifties with hands performing on a keyboard with impressive speed, seated right next to teenager studying his computer's screen. It was an intermediate coding class as a quick glance to the timetable parallel to the door indicated, struck in awe, I studied the table to discover that there were tens of other computer courses free of charge and available for everyone. I walked to my left passing by three classrooms that I knew after a conversation with a volunteer were home to teaching languages and that all instructors were volunteers too. I instantly knew this was what I wanted to be part of, and after finishing my tour around the charity's building I ticked the box that saidRTC (R Training Centre) on my volunteering form.

The next day, I stepped up the stairs to the RTC again, but this time, as a volunteer. From my very first few hours, I went from setting desks to distributing attendance sheets, and after some practice with another volunteer, I was able to attend to phone calls. Later that day, I was back home and longing for more, I enjoyed every moment of my day and knew I made the right decision. Since then I was determined to make the most of time there, besides helping out with tasks such as installing software on computers, I had an eye open for potential improvements in the environment. For example, after receiving multiple inquiries asking which instructor gave that specific course, I suggested adding this to the timetables. The RTC helped me branch out in my own community and showed a different side of myself. I have learned that I can and have the responsibility to assist instructors at classes I had a background in. By dedicating time to answer general questions from students and sometimes parents, I have allowed myself to excel at communicating with others and improving my customer service skills. After a little more than one month, I was named volunteer of the month as one of the most active members. I became more confident as I was trusted with preparing schedules and sometimes attended classes to help evaluate an instructor.

Throughout the five hours I spent at the centre five days a week, I have seen first-hand not only the impact that volunteering can have on an organization, but also the impact volunteering has on the volunteers themselves; Nothing could match the glorious feeling I got from greeting students, knowing that I am having an impact in their lives by facilitating their self-improvement. I also made friends with people I can't imagine not knowing before and expanded my comfort zone greatly.

There have been very few experiences throughout my life that have inspired me with such noteworthiness, volunteering last summer in my home country, (X country), enhanced my social awareness while leaving a difference in my attitude. I became aware of the endless potential students of every age had regardless of their socioeconomic status. I was able to see why one's ability to buy a computer should never limit his computer skills and became committed to be part of the change.

Although I study in (Y country) where volunteering opportunities are limited. My inclination to serve my community has not faded and I am still committed to the cause. I currently volunteer with the centre online, doing tasks from organizing events through social media to designing advertising material. This experience was the first of my volunteer experiences to truly show me my ability to contribute and really immerse me into the true meaning of helping others.

It might be helpful to say that he scholarship has focus on the impact the student has had on the life of their school and community, and their future potential to contribute positively to the global community.

Thank you for taking the time to read!

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,039 2725  
Jan 13, 2020   #2
Do you have any other activity that you could in place of this volunteer experience? The experience that you speak of here is too generalized to make an impact on the reviewer. It's impact on both you and the people you dealt with feels narrow and shallow. There is no highlight to your experience that could make this a stand out volunteer activity for you. The accomplishments you made were not really as impactful as the essay required and your participation isn't exactly notable either. It is weak and requires a more impactful activity. Something that has a stand out participation on your part that led to a significant change in the organization. Maybe you can highlight why it was important to connect the subject to the teacher and how you fought to make the change along with what the significant outcome was when the change was implemented. You need to focus on just one of your participation stories and build it up. You only need one effective story, instead of several short and ill developed presentations.
OP sky004 1 / 3  
Jan 13, 2020   #3

Thank you for your valuable feedback, I agree to the part that my impact is not visible enough but unfortunately, I couldn't think of a more significant experience.

I have co-founded my school's first magazine and my role was to create and develop it's website and create social media accounts, do you think this experience might be conveyed in a notable enough way? or should I go on with developing the teacher-subject idea?

Home / Scholarship / (Scholarship essay) Significant experience - student's impact on school and community