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"Simulation of Production Logistics for Beverage Industry" - Foreign Scholarship SOP


engrdk 3 / 6  
Jul 28, 2011   #1
This is my first post here at essayforum, so I request to all moderators to look once at my SOP essay and purify it in order to make it more attractive and readable with ease. and yes, they asked to provide one page SOP, is below SOP agreeable? valuable advises would be appreciated!

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Most of my friends are doing job since their graduation, but I remained in study because I believe post-graduation will magnify my ambition to conduct research in the foremost field of Industrial Engineering.

For the field of Industrial Engineering, the desire to pursue a master's program through scholarship scheme is my only chance to prove my strong technical, yet analytical abilities that could exaggerate during masters program at your distinct university/institute.

France being as one of the birth giving to this foremost field in late 90's, besides the research level in Industrial Engineering like "Simulation of Production Logistics for Beverage Industry" at ATI, Thailand convinced me to choose this program with specialization in supply chain and logistics.

Industrial Engineering, since its inception in Pakistan, has become one of the fortified fields, apart from its education, and has encouraged the government to uphold and implement Acts like Industrial Relation Ordinance 2010 and other industrial acts are being adopted after realizing the importance of industrial approach to common man.

I chose supply chain and logistics to be my future research area in this field because I felt the importance when I went to different industries during my trainings and internships. The consideration in supply chain and logistics, apart from cargo services or courier services, is at minimum level and yet to be promoted because it is one of the few sources of eliminating spare activities that could lead any industry to its path of success.

Furthermore, I believe, in the future through the tremendous education at higher level, would increase my level of approaching things and getting-things-done efficiently and effectively. Since I did my dissertation on "Third Party Logistics" at Siemens Pakistan Engineering, in which I proposed the paper-less system at every level of work to reduce the level of waste during work procedures.

Pakistan is placed on the list of developing countries, and for her I am eager to do something in the aforementioned field because I see it as one of the pure sources to improve the nation's caliber and enthusiasm using latest qualitative techniques with immense research in this foremost field.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Jul 31, 2011   #2
For the field of Industrial Engineering, the desire to pursuea master's program through scholarship scheme is my only chance to prove my strong technical, yet analytical abilities that could not be populated ----I don't think 'populated' is the right word here.

...during my undergraduate program due to huge flow of study at campus.---does this mean you had too much studying to do? I don't understand.

Good luck in school and have fun!
OP engrdk 3 / 6  
Aug 2, 2011   #3
Thank you susan for great help, infact I haven't submitted the SOP, yet to be more eye catching with smooth flow of reading.

1. How about "exaggerated" instead of "populated"?
2. ...during my undergraduate program due to huge flow of study at campus.---does this mean you had too much studying to do? I don't understand. [ well you can always suggest the best to write here ]

I would be thankfull if you'ld like to advise me how to master this piece for theme that I tried to present in SOP.

Thanks again, I am glad to be here!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 5, 2011   #4
Most of my friends have been working jobs since their graduation, but I remained in study because I believe post-graduation study will magnify my ambition to conduct research in the field of Industrial Engineering.

For the this field, the pursuit of a master's program through a scholarship scheme is my only chance to prove my strong technical and analytical abilities, which can increase during masters program at your distinct university.

The consideration in supply chain and logistics, apart from cargo services or courier services, is at minimum level and yet to be promoted because it is one of the few sources of eliminating spare activities that could lead any industry to its path of success. This part does not make sense. Say something specific about what you want to accomplish in order to contribute to the field.

Furthermore, I believe, in the future through the tremendous education at higher level, would increase my level of approaching things and efficiency and enable me to apply my getting-things-done attitude.

We are lucky to have you at EssayForum! Thanks for being an example of a motivated, serious student!
OP engrdk 3 / 6  
Aug 6, 2011   #5
Wooah!! wonderful kevin! I must pay thanks to you for this act.

Regarding 3rd paragraph, I am much thankful to you! really!

Now lets see what adcom decides..

Regards,
Engr.dk


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