Social justice, intersectional feminism, Congolese values. Acquired Knowledge Outside Class - Gates

Kerry-Ann Lombela
Gates Millennium Scholarship
Word Count: 128

Other than through classes in school, in what areas (non-academic or academic) have you acquired knowledge or skills? How? (1000 words)

I initially enrolled in African-American History my sophomore year for a simple elective to fill my schedule. However, the course became one of my favorites. My teacher taught us beyond the curriculum to consider vast social issues. These topics were unfamiliar yet interesting so I began educating myself on social justice. Originally, I felt pressured by my parents to be a model Congolese child and follow our culture's traditional, social conservative values. Researching intersectional feminism was the basis of my newfound mindset. I began incorporating my Congolese values of love and maturity with a broader belief of acceptance. Educating myself further on these issues was the first step to defining my individuality and finding my voice. I learned to assert myself through a new passion in my beliefs.

Kerry, why don't you consider using a non-academic source of education and enlightenment as a discussion in response to this prompt? It just seems to me like you have spent so many essays concentrating on the academic aspect of your intellectual development. I just feel like you should take a break and offer the reviewer an opportunity to learn about the way you learn when you are outside of the classroom setting.

One way you can discuss this is through the presentation of how your friends had to deal with racism and labeling. How was it for you or all of you outside of your group? What was the specific instance that led you to change your mindset about labeling? It would be nice if you could discuss that topic further as it relates and continues the discussion of your previous essay topic. If you add to the information for that previous response through this essay, you will end up extending the discussion and offering the reviewer a clearer idea as to how you developed your response to the previous prompt requirement.

Now, I am not saying that this essay response is not good or useful because it is. it is just that most of the students will already use an academic setting so it would be nice if you could offer the reviewer a breather from that type of presentation. It will also most likely result in his remembering your essay more than the others that responded to the same prompt.

Your discussion about the rise of your knowledge about Feminism was a very gold way to kick off the statement. It was relevant, seen engaging and offered information as to how the ideology affected you as a person. The discussion was enlightening and offered an idea as to how you might conduct yourself within the student community. Unfortunately, your discussion about learning about diets did not deliver the same impact and information as it should have.

You explained how you came to realize the importance of dieting to a person. Including your friend in the story shower how you are capable of learning through observation. However, the end result for you, be it simple weight loss on your part r a desire to educate others about the benefits of weight loss would have been a nicer note to end the essay on. After all, the goal of non-academic dedication is information transfer by influencing others.