Personal Statement, Erasmus Scholarship: GLOCAL Master program, study track Sustainable Business

Helloo!! please help me with your feedback!!
These are the PS instructions:

Supporting Personal Statement:

Please be as precise as you can when writing your Supporting Personal Statement. Do not repeat yourself and do not exceed the word limit (1200 words). You should make sure that you address the following issues in your personal statement: ...

Personal Statement

I intend to become a changemaker who creates and communicates sustainable and innovative solutions in the corporate world. My name is xxx and I wish to apply to the Global Markets, Local Creativities Master program, with the study track on Sustainable Business Development.

I hold a bachelor's degree in International Business with further studies on brand strategy and sustainability. My background also includes training in supply chain management - a field about the physical dynamics connecting the world - with a MicroMaster from MIT and my work experience in inventory management and distribution. Currently, I work as a demand planner at xxx, where I review market history, economic trends, and marketing strategies to forecast demand for products. At work, I too take part in innovation projects and watch for global standardization in the supply chain.

From working in multinational companies, I have realized how difficult it is to shift towards sustainability. Consider the fast fashion items, which, according to Greenpeace, are only worn thirty-five days on average and then thrown away. The amount of waste and resources related to this industry should be enough reason to make sustainability-oriented changes. But to think about risking profitability or stop selling your best-ranked product seems unreasonable, let alone transform the whole industry. I want to reflect on these types of issues and be part of the solution.

In five years, I see myself working in a multinational company leading sustainability projects and making a real impact on consumers' mindsets. I would also like to work in consultancy, proving solutions to sustainability challenges. As for my ten years and twenty years' goals, I want to start my own business - providing circular supply chain services - and, later, go back to the academic setting. I want to go back to university to share my knowledge and research on sustainable business models and responsible consumerism.

It is time for me to go back to the academic world because I lack some of the grounding knowledge to pursue my aspirations. Besides, I feel excited about going back to formal education. In the three years after graduating, I have been taking MOOCs and other courses because I am always craving knowledge. Even more, through those programs, I unlocked my most recent interest in circular economies and fashion. After graduating, I went to Italy and took a course that highlighted the importance of cultural context in brand design for luxury goods. While in Italy, I went to The Quadrilatero Della Moda or Via Montenapoleone fashion district. There I found myself in dispute between loving the sophistication and top fashion designs and loathing the irresponsible excessive shopping. After that, I took a course on Sustainable fashion from the Copenhagen Business School and one on the UN Sustainable Development Goals from the Katholieke University Leuven. I can only imagine the possibilities ahead after taking this program.

Furthermore, from this Master, I want to learn more about creativity techniques and critical thinking towards innovation. I feel drawn to the courses on entrepreneurship and sustainability in emerging economies. In like manner, I want to explore how the development of capitalism in different regions has impacted the current international environment. As for my thesis project, I would like to address consumerism in the fashion industry and its implications in emerging economies. Specifically, the topic would be about the history and future of fast-fashion in Colombia given US economic influence and the need to practice the UN's Sustainability Development Goals in Latin America.

The international aspect of GLOCAL is one more significant aspect that interests me. As an undergraduate student, I was most fond of history and international affairs because they showed me the economic and political context of global interactions. I always liked the more holistic approach to international business. Given that, I have been on study trips to the World Trade Organization and the United Nations Office in Geneva to witness the setting of international cooperations and the people making efforts to change commercial dynamics for the better.

I have worked in multicultural environments before. Eight years ago, I first traveled to the United States to reinforce my English skills, and, six years later, I took the course in Italy. On both occasions, I studied and made friends with people from all kinds of places. Then I discovered I truly enjoyed learning about other cultures, talking to people who thought differently than me and learn about others' experiences. At work, I collaborate mostly with people from North America and Central America, but in 2019 I had the opportunity to be on a project with people from three different continents. Then, I had the chance to practice my Portuguese, English, and, most importantly, my networking skills. In the end, I was awarded a Regional Excellence Honor Certificate for implementing new global processes.

Besides working, I volunteer in research projects with an ecological and social focus. I look for projects aligned with the Sustainable Development Goals, which enable me to work remotely, and help universities and institutions find solutions to modern problems. In the past, I volunteered in AIESEC, supporting the logistics behind volunteer exchange experiences, and co-founded a Foundation that helped retirement homes gather funds to care for their patients. I find social awareness and compassion to be the guideline to grow as a person and let others overcome obstacles.

In sum, this program aligns with my academic background, future goals, and interest to live more international experiences. I will bring to the table my supply chain knowledge, my ambition, and my desire to learn. I look forward to a favorable reply and hope to meet you soon.

Reading your presentation, I have to say, you covered almost all of the bases specifically, except, for this portion of the essay. You were not able to relate your interests with the courses offered in the program you are interested in. There needs to be a connection between your professional experience, academic background, and how these combined to prepare you to succeed in taking this GLOCAL masters course. What specific courses or internships qualify you as a candidate? How was your course decision affected by the curriculum for both years? Were these affected by your academic and professional background? Each year focuses on a different study point, so create the connection that the discussion requires.

You have a strong presentation here that can be made stronger by the addition of information as required. Depending upon the strength of the other applicants, you could very well be among the considerable candidates for the program. So you really have to make sure that you do not miss out on any discussion points.

@Holt, Thank you! I will fix it now. I tried to kind of do it lightly in some sentences of the essay but I never state it or developed further on that.

This essay has good structure and flow. My suggestion is you have proof-read and grammar check for your essay to make sure there's no error :) Good luck for your scholarship!