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Personal Statement for KGS 2019 - Italian Candidate

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Feb 24, 2019   #1

MBA application at SKK GSB Business School

Hello! :) I need your help for editing my personal statement for GKS 2019. I would really thankful for your help. I am italian and I am going to apply for an MBA at SKK GSB Business School.

Motivations with which you apply for this program
Your education and work experience in relation to GKS.
Reason for studying in Korea
Any other aspects of your background and interests which may help us evaluate your aptitude and passion for graduate study or research.

I am interested in studying an MBA to learn from industry leaders and explore and share innovative ways of doing business. For this reason I believe that there is no better place than Korea. I have always been interested in Asian economy in particular in South Korea. What impressed me most has been the huge growth after the Korean War. In fact, Korea had evolved from one the of the world's poorest countries to a leading developed economy, as well as one of the world's best education system in the 20th century. I have been following the Korean economic trend for several years in particolar as regards the relationship with Italy and I strongly believe that trade relations between Italy and South Korea will increase in the future expecially in technology, luxury and food sectors.

I know that hard work and dedication are the root for success. I started working when I was 20 years old while I was attending my first year at the University for a start-up that operates in the IT Sector and serves both B2B and B2C. I got a bachelor's degree in Economics with a major in Information System with the best degrees. From 2010 to 2012 I was employed as a Key Account Manager. My role was focused both on growth of existing clients and development of new business trough the direct sales channel. During this experience I was able to obtain the knowledge of the retail business and the opportunity to improve my speaking and communication skills.

Then I moved to the Marketing Division and I held the role of Junior Project Manager. Consequently I decided to learn some programming languages related to web design such as HTML, CSS, PHP, MySQL. During this period I took part in several procjects including the development of an information systems which allows automation for business process that is now used by more than one thousand 2B2 clients. It was a unique experience that allows me to understand the effectiveness and efficiency of the automation in the business processes. This project has been also the bases for my thesis at the University. This role allowed me to combine my knowledge in the fields of Marketing and Finance, that I acquired at the University, with new skills related to the IT sector.

In the meantime the market changed and after graduation I became responsible for the online division of Marketing Department. From 2014 to 2016 my role was to identify new trends and to implement new strategies to increase online portfolio using statistical, finance and web design tools. Understanding consumer behavior is a vital aspect of business and is the bases for any projects including online. During this period I also managed the development of a Web Tv for the company as a partnership with X.X.X.X.X.., the XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. The partnership was related to the live streaming of billiard events on the Internet.

Combining theory with practice gave me the opportunity to have a wider vision of the business the company wish to achieve. Because of this I am actually responsible for marketing activities in my organization and I lead brand management, market research, pricing and customer service.

My first reason for choosing Korea for doing an MBA is the relationship between my working and academic background with Korea. Korea is known for being a pioneer in the field of technology. It can be an advantage for me to achieve pratical knowledge and see the best world's company and experts in this field such as Hyundai, LG, Samsung. In the last years the trade between Italy and South Korea has had a massive increase. Studying in Korea would be a great experience which will let me improve my skills and come in touch and learn Korean culture and language. Therefore I thought that this great opportunity could allow me to play an important role in the commercial exchanges between the two countries, favoring both import and export of new companies. Korea also has a fabulous nature and architecture that deeply inspired my project in the tourism sector. As a passionate of design and entrepreneurship I have recently started a small family business in my hometown that deals with the rental of characteristics apartments that combine a modern, minimal and sustainable design with the beauty of nature.

With all the above-mentioned factors, I believe I am a qualified candidate who can successfully achieve an MBA with specific focus on Digital Marketing and Finance, demonstrated by my ability to manage complex projects, my comunication skills and time management. I will persist unitil I succed.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,304 3989  
Feb 25, 2019   #2
Vix, there are a few areas for improvement in your essay. The most important of which is that you have already chosen a university to apply to. That tells me that you are applying using the university track right? As such, you must focus your essay, when it comes to the reasons why you want to study in Korea, on the basis of your university choice. It is important to create a continuing education relationship of sorts between your undergraduate and post graduate studies. This is done by explaining some commonalities between your undergraduate major and specifics of your masters course. That makes the choice of university and the decision to apply via university track clearer to the reviewer.

Try to strengthen your thesis discussion. Don't just say you wrote a related thesis, explain what the thesis was all about. Highlight the notable research that you did to complete the thesis. The university will have to consider your research skills along with your practical skills in this instance. Therefore both topics must be highlighted in the essay. Remember, you are applying via embassy track so the screener / reviewer will take note of this part of your application.

I do not really see any academic discussion in your essay with regards to your undergraduate course. You have to discuss your undergraduate history in the essay, making mention of any notable achievements or GPA during this time period. While your professional experience is admirable, your academic foundation needs to prove that you are prepared for the theoretical challenges that a masters course demands. This essay is weak in that aspect as it doesn't represent your educational background at all.

The essay is a good draft but requires more work. It has the potential to be a notable submission only after you have plugged all of the holes that the essay currently has. Once you revise the essay, it should be in a better position to suit your application needs.

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