It is really nice of you to revise my personal statement. Thank you all
kgsp can help me achieve my goals
I've always been interested in facing new things in my life also I'm really keen on knowing more about other cultures and strategies that they've done in their countries which help them to improve themselves. I had a perfect professor in university and he always showed us the best way, he always told us to expand our knowledge and don't restrict it just to our country and try to learn about useful plan in various countries. Moreover I've been always worried about diseases in Iran and I've thought that is my task to find a way to reduce it so I choose to study public health as my major to reduce the financial burden on my people and my country. I live in a developing country and NCDs are a challenge in here because the number of them is increasing day by day. South Korea is a very successful country in public health and refer to WHO, NCDs are decreased so I can learn a lot from health system in this country to promote the health of my nation.
I got the government scholarship for bachelor and I really tried hard to get good grades and improve my knowledge so I received an award for rank 3 in year one and generally I ranked 4 after graduation. The last year of bachelor study I was a trainee and I did a lot of practical work such as vaccination and take care of various age groups also I wrote a proposal about rabies vaccination with my team group and helped my professor to collect data and fill questionnaire. Furthermore because of my interests in research I've learned how to use SPSS and EndNote also I have a way with finding papers in Scopus, google scholar and other relative references. I've participated 2 years in charity works in national public health week and held classes to council people about various diseases.
South Korea is a first world country and it has a remarkable and impressive grow in public health and its health system is really potential, I've figured out that the previous situation of this country was really similar to the present situation of health in my country so I believe with the help of kgsp I can help my people also I can help professors to find new health strategies. I'm really enthusiastic to study in this country specially Yonsei university because of its great facilities and technology like 5G internet which is one of a kind in world and this can help me to intensify my researches. The combination of culture and technology in South Korea is marvelous and I want to learn new cultures and I think that foreign students in this university can help me.
Yonsei university is famous for education abilities of its students also it is famous for non academic activities .Beside education I'm keen on participate in these activities because I'm really good at drawing with oil paints, pencils and etc... I want to receive award for my future university. I'm a yogi, cook, beginner web designer also I'm a magazine writer and I took part in 2 volume of movie magazine also art magazine in my university published my first art work. I believe that kgsp can help me to achieve my goals.
Hello there. I'm assuming you know how to do a quantitative research because you said you have learned how to use SPSS? I think you should elaborate more on that fact rather than saying you know how to use SPSS. SPSS is just a computer software to analyze data. Saying that you know how to do a quantitative research would be way better as it shows how you i can do an independent research. That's the useful skill for your chosen master degree.
Have you noticed that NIIED has decided to change the scholarship program's name into GKS (Global Korea Scholarship) instead of KGSP in 2019? If you download the guideline on NIIED, you would find their announcement about changing the name of the scholarship. While it's just a minor point, I think updating latest guideline would be better since it shows them that you're well-prepared during the application process by not using the incorrect name.
Hope the above help you have a better essay. All the best to your application. ^^
I really appreciate your help and thank you for your useful hints.
Mahsa, actually the scholarship is known as BOTH the KGSP and Global Korean Scholarship (GKS). Since the name change was only launched this year, the KGSP reference is still more widely used. You don't need to change the name of the scholarship when referencing it at this point. It is minor and will not help to improve the content of your essay. You will not be kicked out of the screening part for simply using the old name of the scholarship. The official use of the GKS name will happen over a period of time. As of now, both names are acceptable and does not have any bearing on your application. What matters is that you qualify for the program based on relevant information provided for consideration. If you don't qualify for the program, it doesn't matter if you are using the old or new name to refer to it.
I do not believe that this essay is ready for use. While your motivation for study is clear, your academic background and work experience in relation to the studies you want to pursue are too simplistic in presentation.
In the academic presentation, you are using a defeatist tone in describing your academic accomplishments. If you did so badly during your first round of studies, why should I think, as the reviewer, that you will do any better as a scholar? In fact, why should I give you a scholarship if you admit to being unable to perform academically, which is what a scholarship requires of its sponsored student? You need to create a more assuring academic background that refers to academic excellence and accomplishments.
You need to beef up your professional presentation by describing a memorable experience where you managed to accomplish something notable. You need to show achievements as a candidate. Everyone else will be boasting of far better, relevant, and impressive skills. This presentation will drown in that competition. Your research skills are also amateur at best. You have to justify this through the use of your college thesis. Describe its topic, goals, and methodology to prove that you have the research skills required of a masters student.
Additionally, you need to use academic reasons for choosing the university. That is, if you are applying through the university track. 5G internet is one of the worst reasons you can present for choosing a school. Delete that paragraph. Discuss the proficiency of Korea in public health management instead and then explain how you look forward to learning about those at the university. If possible mention specific programs or training the university offers to prove that you are familiar with the course requirements.
thanks a lot. i will do my best to write a better essay. I'm really thankful.