Personal statement for KGSP in pharmacy science major

Dear everyone

This is my personal statement for the KGSP this year. This essay has 4 paragraphs:

o Motivations with which you apply for this program
o Your education and work experience in relation to GKS.
The following is my essay. Please help me review this. Thank you :)

my desire to explore new drugs

Dear Selection Committee
When I was a little child, I was always inspired by my grandfather who was a herbalist. I wished in the future I could become a physician to save people. Later, when I was at pharmacy school, my teachers are the ones who give me inspiration as they were always hard-working and responsible for their job of discovering potential active compounds. I understand that to fulfill my desire to explore new drugs as my grandfather and my teachers do, I need to continue my study in a higher level in which I can develop not only my knowledge but also experimental skills. Therefore, I apply for the Master's degree in pharmacy science majors in Korea, a country which is famous for its amount of publications and is where most of my teachers studied for their degrees. Thanks to GKS program, this could possibly come true to me.

In high school, I was a student majoring in Chemistry. During this time, I was awarded some prizes in regional and national competitions. To follow my childhood dream and also to promote my strongest point, I attended Hanoi University of Pharmacy and my major was Pharmaceutical Industry. I was then awarded two more national prizes, one in Chemistry in 2016 and one in English in 2017. In terms of research experience, I also have a great passion for investigating and doing experiments. At the end of the second school year, I started joining some research projects at Department of Pharmaceutical Chemistry. Up to now, I have gain three years of experience in organic chemistry synthesis. In this three years, I got involved in two published papers in which reported 53 newly-discovered, tumor-targeted compounds. I also won Third prize in the 2018 Conference of Science and Technology for young researchers.

There are several reasons that make me willing to study in Korea. Firstly, Korea has an excellent educational environment. Each year, Korean universities and institutions account for thousands of research works in all fields of study. From the advice of my supervisor who studied in Korea for her Doctoral Degree and from my own inquiry, I understand that pharmacy science, including medicinal chemistry or biochemistry is one of their greatest strength. Therefore, studying in Korea gives me an unparalleled opportunity to learn and develop under the guide of outstanding professors. Secondly, I will be able to learn Korean language and explore its culture. Last July, from my internship program, I had a direct experience to Korean life and was immediately impressed by the hospitality of the people. I really enjoyed Korean lifestyle, the way people live and work there. To me, this is such a great fortune to be able to live in this country for a longer period of time.

Beside learning and investigating, I also like to take part in extracurricular activities. In 2016 and 2017, I was an organizing committee member of HUP English Championship, a competition for pharmacy and medical students around Hanoi. Also in 2016, I was one of top 10 finalist of FameLab, a competition hosted by British Council worldwide in which I had a chance to explain a scientific topic to people. I believe that these activities make me become a more talkative and open person, that I could be more easily fit into a new environment, a life in a foreign country.

Le, don't start off the essay with "When I was a child..." because the reviewers tend to disbelieve any student who says that. Rather, indicate that you were influenced by your grandfather who was a herbalist That sounds more believable than your current opening statement. The rest of the paragraphs after that are strong enough. Except, your research experience, which is leaning more towards simply mentioning your participation in such activities . Such a reference does not strengthen the application with regards to your strengths as researcher and your ability to complete complex research requirements. You have the background to support these claims. You mention your impressive research experience here. Discuss it further by explaining what research was done, how it was done, what your role was, and how you developed your (other) research skills during the process of working on the group project. The last paragraph is unnecessary. It is not required information and weakens the strength of your motivation and reasons to study in Korea.