Hello, I intend to apply to KGSP-U 2019. Below is my personal statement. I am really grateful to receive any comments on my essay.
Essay:
The euphoria of being admitted into high school internal student magazine really fueled my desire to pursue communications major when I enter university. I can still recall the nervousness and bashfulness since it was my first-ever interview. Spotted the lack of confidence in me, the interviewer, who was also known as the magazine's editor, made me take a test by conducting a street interview on a given topic. Obstructiveness blocked my attempts to do the test because I was a fairly quiet and reserved person and talking to a stranger would be a demanding task to me. Did not want this opportunity to slip away, I gathered myself together, carried out the interview with a fairly fruitful result and then got accepted as a member of the content team.
The moment I saw people willingly give their opinions on the topic, I gained trust in myself that I could overcome my fear to follow my enthusiasm/follow what I was passionate about. Most importantly, I realized that I loved creative writing and dealing with raw information and turn it into/to produce a beautifully written article. Participating in school's magazine was quite a meaningful and enjoyable experience to me as I was able to work in a professional environment which is alike to a real newsroom and involve with other creative individuals and learn from them. After one year in the school club, I really improved my building relationships and social skills.
After some time of researching and studying, I was aware of the sheer expanse of the communication field. I really loved how this field opens the doors to a myriad of interesting careers. What amazed me about this field was the amount of knowledge I can amass about a completely foreign topic. When I worked as a digital content marketing intern for a travel agent, alongside with getting a grasp of social media management, marketing tools like Facebook Ads, Google Trends, ... I also gradually became immersed in travel and tourism area.
Among those fields, I was particularly fascinated by the marketing, advertising and public relations in digital media. That was the reason why I chose to major in communications with an emphasis in marketing communication at my current university as well as decided to apply for Korean Government Scholarship Program to delve deeper into this field in Korea which offers an internationally recognized, top-notch, professional education in communications.
I was raised in a middle-class family in Hanoi, which is a hectic city in Vietnam. My father is a medicine physician by profession and my mother is working as an accountant. The idea that a child should follow his or her parents' career path has been deeply ingrained in most of the Vietnamese thinking. My family and my relatives always advised me to go a safe route and follow my parents' footsteps so as to have a stable job. They were rational as transition into adulthood was a fundamental period and parents had overcome this so I should rely on my parents' guidance.
Nevertheless, I had determined to pursue what I was good at and what I was passionate about, not the passing down of my parents' occupations. I knew that deep down my family always gave me full support and they just expected me to prove that it a serious and long-term pursuit. The most important thing I needed to do was inducing my parents that it was the right choice. It was a demanding process that require a lot of effort and a thorough plan of action. I managed to maintain great academic achievement while participating in extracurricular activities relating to my major to show that I had an ability to follow that career choice. I understood that persuasion is extremely important in communication. If I could not gain the trust from my family, it meant that I can not earn it from my future customers either. After a long time of persuading, I was finally allowed to purchase my dream.
I was accepted into one of the most prestigious and selective national gifted high school in Vietnam named Foreign Languages Specialized School. I had to surpass nearly four thousand applicants to become one of the students received admission offer. Throughout three years of schooling, I thrived in my academic performance with GPA of 8.8 to 9.0 out of 10 and managed to maintain top 5 of my class. I really treasure the time I spent at my high school as not only the school provided me the academic program of top quality but it also provided me a creative and competitive environment for me to develop my potential. The projects and presentations assigned at school taught me to continuously evolve and grow, and always be creative. I improved myself a lot by observing and learning from other outstanding individuals. After graduating from high school, I was admitted to Academy of Journalism and Communication, which is the best university specializing in teaching in media communication field with a high national university entrance examination score of 35.75 out of 40.
However, I am still hungry for more intellectual growth and I come up with a decision to pursue my bachelor's degree in Korea.
The communication curriculum has only been established in Vietnamese university for under 10 years. Therefore, communication content expertise is still lacking and lecturers, notwithstanding devoting themselves to students, lacks some experience in teaching. Meanwhile, the communication curriculum has been implemented in Korea for about 60 years. Korea has a large number of experienced lecturers and professors in the field and state-of-art, reputable media center and broadcasting stations, namely KBS, MBC, SBS, ... will surely provide me my best learning experience.
I deeply admire Korea's endeavor to build and export popular culture, in which we must attribute the success of Korean Wave to digital media. The Korean Wave has permeated all over neighboring countries in Asia and even spread into Europe and the Americas. It has fundamentally changed the national image of Korea in a positive way in foreign countries. Vietnam, similar to Korea in the past, is being dimly perceived by other countries. The images associated with Vietnam was mostly stereotypical things like Vietnam war or poverty. As a Vietnamese, I really want to contribute, even just a small part, in changing the mind of young people with xenocentrism and diminishing those negative images and reshaping the perception and overall national image of contemporary Vietnam lives.
The Korean Government Scholarship Program will certainly provide a precious opportunity because sometimes all it takes for someone to be successful is a chance to do so. This right investment will first help me financially and support me to continuously evolve myself and achieve my burning ambition in the long term.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Hoang, you need to build up the first few paragraphs of this essay. The first paragraph deals with how your interest in communications media was developed. However, you need to first, present an introduction to how you developed the interest first. From the way you wrote it, it appears that you simply decided to join the student paper and that was that. You were successful without preparation or thought. No significant experience in developing your writing skills, no risks taken in order to achieve success as a high school journalist, no significant influences from your high school days that would have contributed as an influencing factor in your career decision.
Your essay is a bit confusing. Are you thinking of starting a career in journalism or electronic media ? Or are you batting to become a participant in communications media? Please clarify the type of course you want to enroll in based on your presented academic and internship experiences. I do not see a reference to any academic or community achievements in your essay. Please refer to these in some form as these are not optional parts of the prompt. Those are part of the information for consideration per applicant.
This is a good draft that probably needs up to 2 more revisions before you can reach the editing process. I hope you can add the missing elements and build up the weak areas as observed above.
