Hi everyone, I have written a Personal Statement to apply for the MSc Data Science scholarship. I would like to get some feedback.
These are the guidelines provided as below:
This statement must be no longer than 500 words. You must use it to explain why you want to study at this University and how your chosen course is intended to help you to achieve your career or life goals.
PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR SWEDEN SCHOLARSHIP
Nowadays, data is a powerful tool for business development, anticipating future environmental problems, and helping with the handling of disasters. This university offers a course that links Machine Learning, Business, and Big Data. As I wish to research into climate change, I plan to pursue all 3 domains of study. This cross-disciplinary learning at UOL seems an ideal route for me to achieve this.
UOL's postgraduate program would allow me to work with instructors, such as (Professor name) and (Professor name), who are involved in climate research and machine learning, respectively. With them, I can advance the work I have already completed related to how climate change affected the business section. Over the years, storms have struck (country), affecting more than 20,000 families and businesses. If we can use the data to predict these events, the loss may be decreased. I have a feeling of empathy and want to save people from these disasters. At the (University name), I worked with an advisor on the climate change and impact of the Fukushima nuclear power plant explosion in 2011.
I have studied how the post-explosion climate affects economies and people, data which we imported into Python, to display significant activity in the Fukushima regions affected by climate change. We then created models, through which we predicted people's behavior, Logistic Regression, to display people's feeling and the place that they want to live after an incident affected by climate change. Seeing our presentation of information was incredibly motivating for me as I know I have finally helped people who suffered from this disaster. I want to repeat this experience. Successfully analyzing this study and learning to code pushes me to pursue more analysis opportunities.
In terms of data driving business performance, I think big data and business knowledge play a vital role in driving organizations. After I reviewed the UOL curriculum, I understand that it is not only data that is taught, but also how it is used to improve effectiveness and abilities across different industry sectors. This is of great interest to me. I think this course should provide me with an insight into how Big Data is used to analyze the path of storms, earthquakes, and do visualization of the coverage area that analyst impacts and plans for various organizations. In terms of data predicting disasters and helping people recognize risks that could affect businesses. I think there are many areas of the economy that could be affected by climate change and thus benefit from the prediction of change through data. For instance, as the sea levels rise, beach areas shrink, there are changes in altitude of ground available for crops, and the tourism sector is affected - all of these have a potentially detrimental effect on business income.
I hope you will consider me as a suitable candidate for a scholarship as it will assist me with my further professional training and certification aims that I have set for myself and will in turn help me to have the skillset and to assist the main business units of the country.
Thank you so much!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447
The main problem that I see with this personal statement is the divergence of your interests in the 3 domains of study. There has to be a common point of interest of professional application on your part that would justify the trifecta of courses. Since these are individualized discussions in your presentation, but a cross disciplinary study at UOL, you need to portray how the cross study will successfully blend into your career goals after you complete your studies. You have good individual presentations for your interest. However, you do not have a solid combination paragraph that would justify your career goal in relation to a unique or enhanced career path for yourself. Try to combine the 3 courses towards the end into a logical and doable career path for yourself to create a truly interesting and achievable personal statement representation.
Thank you for your advice. Do you mean that I need to combine Machine Learning, Business, and Big Data together?
Should I combine it to show my career path after I finished?