Personal Statement essay
When do you feel like being in the happiest moment in your life? For me, it is when I can help my father in designing and arranging the space to grow various plants. At first, he started planting to relieve stress but slowly and solidly, it became his hobby and I, the only daughter of him, also felt drawn to planting.
Every time I help him, he always says that we must help the plants to live while the plants are helping us to live and he also says that he wants to spend his old age by planting, watering the plants with my mother. Those precious words influence and make me increase more interest in Landscape Architecture. Plus, to build a beautiful garden for my parents as a landscape architect also becomes one of my biggest desires and I am sure that this desire will always motivate me in studying the major.
On the other hand, South Korea, the 70% of which is covered by mountains and both its pre-modern architecture and modern architecture are outstanding and unique in diverse ways. As a lover of both nature and architecture, I find South Korea amazing as well as interesting. Because of South Korea being a foreign country for me, I can feel that I can learn not only Landscape Architecture but also its culture from this country.
After I had finished my high school, there came a time when I have to choose my major. As always, my priority was architecture. In my country, Landscape Architecture is only taught in private universities, but I cannot afford it. So, I chose to study Naval Architecture in public university after discussing with my parents. As an enthusiastic person, I finished my first year with Roll-1 in my major. However, my overwhelming desire to study Landscape Architecture has not changed a bit. So, I want to grab this scholarship as a chance to restart my education with my most desired major.
During my first year, there was a time when I got my first ever group project with my 7 classmates and all of them voted me as the group leader. Although it was my first time of doing it, I diligently lead my group members. As a result of our hard work, our group project was the only project that got all A from the other groups as well as from the professor. From this project, I have learned more about how to appreciate the ideas of project members and the importance of teamwork.
During my school days, whenever I had to draw, 90% of my drawings included plants and buildings. And during my first year, I also joined sketch club. My drawings were displayed at the university's art show, and I also took part as a member of the volunteer team at that show. Moreover, I always took part in the university's weekly environmental clean-up campaign with the mind of loving nature.
People nowadays forget to breathe because of their hectic daily life and feel stressed every day. While the world is developing so fast, we have our own duty to protect the plants. So, I want to give a breath to both people and plants while protecting the relationship between them through Landscape Architecture.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 In the first 2 paragraphs you speak of your father and how his interest in garden landscaping came about. As a backstory it serves a purpose in relation to your exposure and introduction to landscaping. Sadly, you totally skipped the part of the explanation that dealt with what drew you to this activity beyond the bonding time between you and your dad. While the discussion is personal, it disconnects from you as an applicant to the program. Rewrite those parts to explain the development of your interest with only incidental mentions of your dad. Remember, if you only want to get into this field because you want to create the perfect garden for your parents, you do not need formal training for that.
What was the group project that you led all about? How would this highlight an exceptional ability to complete the course on your part? The reference to leadership and teamwork is definitely a must, but can use additional character refunce in terms of student skills.
The essay is a good draft. I can see the direction you want to take your introduction in. It is this direction that leaves ample room for my suggested revisions. These improvements should help you develop a more enlightening personal presentation. It already stands out since you mention neither Covid or the war in your country as an excuse for not succeeding or being held back academically. You do not sound like a war refugee but rather, a student with solid ambitions looking towards a better future through the help of academics.
