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Scholarship Essay - Statement of Study Objective / Actuarial Science


hermawan89 1 / 3  
Apr 12, 2014   #1
Hi All,

Currently I am applying for a scholarship. The dateline is on 15 April and I've been working on this essay for about 3 weeks until now. I am completely aware it's far from finished, but I would appreciate your comment, critique, or any editing in my grammar or sentence structure. Many thanks.

STATEMENT of STUDY OBJECTIVE

Actuarial Science Prospects



The good news came in the beginning of 2014, Indonesia will adopt mandatory universal health coverage in which going to protect approximately the health of 240 million citizens. Despite that the realisation has not gone smooth yet, the program will open access for millions of poor citizens who previously cannot afford to get proper medical treatment. Nevertheless, mindful in the fact that a third of Indonesians categorized as poor, it will automatically entitle government to cover their premiums. Meaning: government public health spending will obviously going to surge.

In my view, there will be hesitance whether the government will be able to ensure the program running continuously now and onwards. Such questions emerged in my mind such as: to what extent of confidence level that the projected financial security level of the health program would be adequate until the next 10-year? How we can combine every possibility of actions to make the program pay full scheduled benefit and not charges exorbitant prices?

Specifically in social security, for about 70 years, the evaluation of American's social security is one of the responsibility of the office of the Chief of Actuary. They are the guardian of this program, they play an important role in monitoring social security programs and ensuring that both short-term and long-term liability will be paid.. In contrast, Indonesia is in emergency condition due to the lack of chartered actuaries. With only 175 actuaries, which most of them working in private enterprise, this numbers won't be meet the expectation the Industry's need of actuaries which predicted will increase to 1000 in the next 5-year nor the need of Actuary in government's social security programme.

As my response for this call, if I am selected to receive a xxx Scholarship, I will opt to study Actuarial Sciences with minor in Economics Modelling. It boast two interdiscplinaries of conceptual framework approach to evaluate the valuation of liabilites. On the one hand, advance statistics in graduate courses will provide me a thorough grounding of data crunching ability and solid core of stochastic skills. On the other hand, having economics related in my credit like Macroeconomics, Microeconomics and Econometrics also essential to evaluate economics impact toward sustainability of the programs. An economic comprehension also useful when explaining complex problems in a way that might be understood to wide array of audiences.

In the penultimate year of my study, I've been awarded Actuarial Scholarship. Not only helped funding my research, through the connection from scholarship committee, I managed landed one internship and research experience wherein enhance my foundation of research capacity. Not only that, the excess scholarship amount also enabled me to take an actuarial professional exams. At this time I will sit as fellow candidate for the next June Exams. It means if I pass this exam, I will be the youngest fellow of actuary in Indonesia Actuarial profession (PAI). Beside that, the scholarship also gave me a chance to represent as the profession ambassador. Under the kick-off meeting between OJK (Financial Service Authority), ITB, and PAI, I was able to interact with many students to share genuine interest, career advice or even helpful exams tips to excel in actuarial exams.

Upon completion of the Master's program, I plan to work as an Actuarial Specialist in the Social Security Organizing Body (BPJS). Having both professional qualification and an master's degree will be giving me full responsibility to handle intricate project later. Additionally, I would also like to apply my social contribution for the development of actuarial educational program in the country step by step. As one of the realisation, I plan to partake as a lecture in social security from actuary perspective course in ITB's graduate school of Actuarial Science.

Thinking back to my early life, throughout the door of the scholarship, lots of things that previously I will not be able to achieve, being affordable for me to grasp. As Peter Paker would say," Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words : with great power, comes great responsibility". Finally, I wish to be awarded xxx so that I will give the best in my studies to achieve my lifelong passion to serve my country as Government's actuary.

StwhWindresides 3 / 7 1  
Apr 12, 2014   #2
The dateline is on 15 April and I've been working on this essay for about 3 weeks until now -> The deadline
Specifically in social security, for about 70 years, the evaluation of American's social security is one of the responsibility of the office of the Chief of Actuary -> responsibilities

this numbers won't be meet the expectation the Industry's need of actuaries which predicted will increase to 1000 in the next 5-year nor the -> in neither the ... nor

I will opt to study Actuarial Sciences with minor in Economics Modelling. -> Modeling
It boast two interdiscpilinaries of conceptual framework approach to evaluate the valuation of liabilites. -> boasts...interdisciplinary...liabilities
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Apr 13, 2014   #3
The good news came in the beginning of 2014(no comma) that Indonesia will adopt the mandatory universal health coverage inby which goingthe country hopes to protect approximately the health of 240 million citizens. Despite that the realisation has not gone smoothachieved to the full scale yet, the program will open access for millions of poor citizens who previously cannot afford to get proper medical treatment.
OP hermawan89 1 / 3  
Apr 13, 2014   #4
Hi Pahan and Sthwindresides,

Yeah, It should be deadline instead of dateline :)

Thanks for spotting my grammar errors and adding more life structure on the first paragraph.

I do think my essay meets all objetive (identification problem, personal ability, reason for study in US), but I do not confident with the closing statement. Do you have any idea to improve the last paragraph?


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