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My personal statement of purpose-study plan for applying for KOREAN government scholarships program

KimMaru 1 / -  
Jan 9, 2018   #1

Opportunity to study international relations, cooperation

I am really interested in studying international relations, international cooperation, how different countries interact with each other, so I believe that for working in this field I should study everything in detail- beginning with the basics concepts and ending with the professional features of this major. I believe that in the future i will be able to become an a kind of cultural bridge between different cultures. So I should study cooperation class, class of international management and many others, which I can study in the universities I have chosen. According to the statistics, a large number of foreign students study in these universities, and this fact gives me an excellent chance to conduct research and questionnaires on my chosen specialty more efficiently, because I will have the opportunity to practice the knowledge obtained at the university among representatives of different countries and cultures, finding a common language with each other. I've carefully studied each selected university and made sure that this universities have ample opportunities for cooperation with international organizations, that gives me the greatest opportunity to successfully practice university's knowledge and to become a worthy specialist in the chosen field in the future.

goke 1 / 2 1  
Jan 9, 2018   #2
General Review
Hi KimMaru,

Your essay says a lot about what other people say, but little about what you stand for, want or think.
Your statement needs to show You, what makes you tick. The review committee has never met you before so you need to show them why they should offer you a scholarship.

You also need to add your career goals, what you plan to do after your degree. This is an important part of your statement that is missing.

Specific Review
"So I should study cooperation class..." - I think you should replace "should" with another word that shows confidence.

... chosen specialty speciality" - There is a little typo in this sentence, I've corrected it in the quote. In addition, this sentence looks vague and too generalised, you need to be more specific about what the statement, I believe modifying this sentence would give you an overall stronger statement.

"... that this these universities ..."

"i I will be able to become an a kind of ..."


I'll advise you run your statement through grammarly to fix semantic and lexical issues.

I hope you find my review helpful and I wish you all the best in your applications.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,324 3356  
Jan 9, 2018   #3
Nesterenko, the KGSP program has specific essay requirements, a letter of introduction, a statement of purpose, and a study plan. For undergraduates, a personal statement is also required. Which one are you trying to write in actuality? You cannot write a personal statement of purpose - study plan. There is no such thing. I won't be able to help you unless I you tell me the following information, in all accuracy:

1. What sort of essay you are writing (statement of purpose, study plan)
2. What level of the KGSP scholarship is this for? (undergraduate, graduate, Phd.)
2. What the prompt you are responding to is (if provided)
3. The minimum and maximum word count

Only after you give me the correct information will I be able to assist you in revising this essay because frankly, this essay is all over the place. It doesn't qualify at all as a KGSP scholarship essay of any sort because you do not know what sort of essay you are supposed to be writing. That is why I cannot help you at this point.

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