I've written a personal statement for the USEFP undergraduate exchange program which I would be thankful for if anyone proof-reads it for me and give me tips if there is a room for improvement
These are the guidelines for
personal statement essay:
1. yourself in terms of interests and personality
2. academic objectives
3. goals in terms of field of study and personal development
4. Reasons you wish to pursue them in USA & the type of program you hope to pursue and how it relates to your interests and future objectives
Hailing from a middle-class family of Islamabad, I was fortunate that my father provided with all what I could wish for - a good education standard and a cozy place to live in. Having a passion for cricket hoping to represent my country at international level but fate had some other plans.
I started focusing on my studies - a struggle at first till finding the world of computers fascinating in twelfth year of education. The lagging behind of my country in technological aspects disappointed me but led me to pursue a career in the field. Getting admission in one of the prestigious universities in my home country garnered all my attention towards building the career.
I often spend my leisure time reading novels and watching movies and series. It has really been helpful in enhancing my English skills. Being a keen participator in different competitions in school, I have certifications for academic and non-academic achievements. As of lately, I have been active in social causes as well.
Looking forward to the US as a tech giant, spending a semester would be an ideal platform for grooming my interpersonal skills and would allow me to serve effectively and give something back to my country. Watching learning closely about those amazing architectures and the different cultures would be no less than an experience of a lifetime. The cultural diversity of US would broaden my perspective and improve the outlook on life.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,692 3498
As a draft, this is an essay that has potential and nothing more due to under development of the idea presentations. It appears that you are not even trying to comprehensively respond to each topic you are asked to justify in the essay. These information does not give any data that can be considered notable and of importance to your application. You are not even trying to actually impress the reviewer with your responses. If you are not serious about your application, then don't waste your time writing the personal statement. You are not going to get the chance you think you can have by being halfhearted in your application. There are more serious, dedicated, and deserving applicants than you. This essay was a complete and total waste of your time ( writing it) and my time (reviewing it).