ONE MORE USELESS COMMENT = BAN
Dear Sir/Madam,
My name is XX and I am writing this letter to express my enthusiasm for pursuing the master's degree program at the Stipendium Hungaricum scholarship.
Since I was a kid, I had a great passion for computers. It was increasing through the years, and then I found my big love for computer programming. Since then, I do code every day. I enjoy solving complicated algorithm and data structure problems every day to entertain myself. I also read programming blogs and books in my spare time. Besides the joy of being with computers, I was also inspired by how computer advance people's life now day. I always dream to make a great impact in this industry.
After graduating from gifted chemistry class, I received a full scholarship from a top university in South Korea majoring in chemistry. However, after many years with chemistry, I didn't really enjoy it. it was ancient, daily work mostly repeated, and not much room for big progress. It was a hard decision, but I left chemistry to start a new chapter in computer programming three years ago. Then I found the true path for my life.
It was very tough at the beginning when many failures came to me. My scores fell off when studied with all veterans. All my CVs sent for the first job were rejected. I lost my confidence and doubted myself. However, the strong belief that I can do it if I work hard and keep my passion helped me overcome everything. I learned to teach myself from many sources not only from school. Not long after that, I became a software developer at the biggest private enterprise in Vietnam, and then a big hedge fund in Singapore. At these organizations, I learned a lot about software development in real life and know what to improve for the future.
While working as a software developer, I was inspired by the application of technology in the financial industry. It is a new field and there are many challenges and problems opening to solve. However, it requires deep knowledge from across fields such as finance, software development, math, and data science. I had some experience with software development and a good foundation in mathematics. I also attended a program for financial engineering remotely. However, with a very broad field like data science, coming back to school is the best way to master it. At school, I can learn from experts in each sub-field easily. It will faster the process to be able to jump into this industry.
With my great ambition, I always dream to make a great impact on the development of this new field. Then, Hungary emerged with a top education in financial technology and data science. These fields consist of a lot of math, and it is reasonable with Hungary's tradition in math. The fact is that many famous global companies in the financial industry put their bases in Hungary such as Morgan Stanley, World Quant, etc. High-quality education brought a high-level workforce. With knowledge from the financial data science program here, I will be able to gather, clean a large amount of data, and make models to forecast the future market. Combined with my software development experience, I can build my own trading platform one day. It is the reason Hungary is the ideal place for me to be closer to this industry as a quantitative developer and push me further toward my dream of solving complicated problems in the industry and doing my own business one day.
This program not only gives me a good education but with the generosity it provides; I can only focus on studying without any concern about tuition or living fee. Studying abroad is always a challenge for everyone. With the sharing experience with my brother who got this scholarship last year and the chance to live in a foreign country for many years in the past, I am confident and ready for new challenges in Hungary.
Finally, I would like to sincerely appreciate your time taking to read my letter and am happy to look forward to the next.
Best regards,
XX
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Just as with the first motivational letter that you wrote, this essay lacks the correct information to create a motivational platform. Once again you have provided a personal statement for the most part. The presentation of which erases any motivation reasons in the essay. The screener will immediately stop reading this essay because of the wrong information provided.
You must delete all of the personal statement aspects in this essay and edit it to better suit a motivational letter. It will be much easier if you just write a proper motivational aspect in the writing.
One of my concerns in that you appear fickle minded and do not really know what MSC course you wish to study. This is your 2nd letter under a different MSc focus that you have witten. The indecision actually reflects in the writing, which is why you cannot develop a proper motivational letter. You are not convinced of your MSc program so you must decide upon that first.
